Mother-in-law lives with us and drives me mad!

[Katecool]

I know being pregnant makes me moody but I'm close to wanting to shoot my mother-in-law (metaphorically speaking)
The problem is..She had a heart transplant 5 years ago so she lives with my BF and i, well more like i live with them because i had to move 100 miles from my home, family and friends because it was not even considered that my BF would move to my house, which was fair enough at the time and i didnt really consider the long term affects this would have on my relationship with my BF OR MIL...I am now 15 weeks pregnant with my first baby and starting to feel more human again.. so now is the time to start getting the house in order for the baby but the MIL is very reluctant to let anything change in the house, i feel its her house and never will really feel like mine while i have to ask her permission for every little alteration...its driving me mad!!!I cant even move alot of my things into the house because she is reluctant to move so much of her junk...so its been in my parents garage for over a year!! I went home the other week to visit my parents and friends and really didnt want to come back here again!! I could move back to my old house because im only rented my house out..but then i essentially would be a single mum because although i really do respect my dear boyfriend for looking after his mum..i want to be selfish and say "your mum drives, has an active social life, is healthy...why cant you move to where im happy?" Infact i did the other week and his suggestion was that i move back home and he will live with me 4 days a week and 3 days a week with his mother....which sounded a great idea but in reality is not a solution. Oh blimey do i sound really selfish? Yes i guess i do but i dont care to be honnest...i hate living where i do and i want my baby to be near my parents...i have a wonderful relationship with them and miss them daily.. they are no spring chickens and i want them to enjoy their first grandchild while they are still able. Please can someone give me some advice on how to be more assertive without seeming to be cruel because i just seem to be banging my head against a brick wall. I also work from home so its very difficult to make new friends in the area, i hope once the baby is born that will change. Ooh i feel better for having this rant..

You have given her a chance, your stuff is still piled feet high in YOUR PARENT'S garage!

Seriously, getting this sorted now may, just may help your relationship weather the arrival of your DC.

"Thanks Ispy I did think of that but I can't risk him saying I didn't give her a chance..if I stay till shorty is born I can tell him I gave it a good go...hopefully MIL will drive him up the wall so much so that he will be begging me to move"

Why are you thinking such things - you did not give him a chance?. How many chances do you want to give this man?. He has a home based business as well, something he is likely also unwilling to relocate. Given a straight choice he will choose his mum over you. You got together with this man, a decision you may yet regret badly and I think you picked a dud 'un. How did you two meet in the first place?. This guy has got his feet at his Mum's house well under the table and he;s not going to change for you even when the baby is here.

An ultimatum can only be issued once and in your case I would not be issuing one to him as it would be a waste of time.

All of your thinking now, paticularly that last part re MIL is a triumph of hope over experience.

Katiecool, believe me when the baby comes it will be WORSE, because when the baby is born you dp will find it a lot more difficult to take the child away from his mother, particularly if you go back to your family.
I think that you are being a tad optimistic tbh. I could lay bets on the fact that your dp will NOT want to leave after the baby is born.

Ha ha Mumi what is it about men and their ability to be such mummies boys?

Have to agree with all other posters; this is going to be far harder once your baby is born. Plus, speaking only from my own experience, one tends to get very snappy territorial amd angry easily upset just prior to and after giving birth. MILs not good addition to this mix.

Go back home...i really missed my mum when mine were small as we lived so far apart...visit his mum often but you have to be happy..you need a home of your own where you can put your own things where you want,i could'nt stand living in someone else's house full time....i'm also far too untidy and would drive them mad...OMG..just saw that he is 39....scary

I think you at heart know this whole situation is a pile of poo so why not just call it a day now and stop your own stonewalling. You know at heart he is not going to change and it'll be him and his Mum.

How on earth did you two meet anyway, through internet dating?. What attracted you to such an individual, did you think you would be the "one" to change his whole way of thinking?. Wrong.

Your all right I guess I'm just scared to go it alone which I'm worried might happen. Time to make the move and really upset my relationship with MIL but waiting till the baby is born will be a very bad mistake. Take a deep breath and do what has to be done. It's the baby that counts and its my only priority not MIL hurt feelings. Just been good at procrastination.

Blimey....can't get over that 39 bit....39 is proper grown up territory...or should be...i love my mum dearly but could never live in her house(my childhood home)

If the situation is as bad as this now, and will (you think) be worse after baby is here - is that really fair on your child??

Also it will have a huge impact on you and your child bonding if she is interfering.

As others have said - you may be poorly after you deliver. Do you really want to be somewhere that your not comfortable.

I've married a Mummy's boy. You have to sort this out before the baby is born, otherwise you will be trapped and it will be much harder for you to move.

Do not wait until the baby is born. Also, before the baby is born you can sort out antenatal care where you are going to be living. Meeting other people who are about to give birth etc. Go where you have the support network and not reliant on MIL and bf.

Also,mil does'nt live with you....you live with her,in her house..you so need your own home when you have your own family

Katecool - I agree with the others, it's easier now than when the baby has arrived. Actually, it's easier now than when you're further along with the pg. Get the tenants out ASAP. Start packing.

You want to do antenatal classes, midwife appointments etc where you are planning on settling, esp if you're going to be on your own. you need that support network. If he really wants to be a family, he'll follow you. If he works from home, he can move his business to your house (I'm assuming you can make space for a desk for him!). Get your home ready for your baby.

And congratulations!

I agree with the others. Leave now before the baby is born.

YOu say ideally you would have been married before getting pregnant. Is marriage on the cards at all? Post-baby maybe?
That would surely mean business in terms of moving out?

And if its not on the cards why not? Is it because you don't feel the need or because it actually saves any big decision from actually being taken, and everyone can carry on in their inertia?

Agree that you've already given her a chance, and even if you hadn't? So what? SHE's not the one you're in a relationship with, you owe her nothing.

When the baby arrives you will have enough on your plate without trying to 'prove' anything to your partner, my advice would also be to get out, get your house organised, arrange it all the way YOU want it, move your stuff in and look forward to your arrival

I really think you should move out before the baby is born. Otherwise MIL can give out the added guilt to DP of "you are taking my grandchild away".

Also, a baby is so very overwhelming, especially in the first few weeks that inertia may will set in or alternatively your hormones will make you say things to her that the DP may not forgive you for. Think about that garage full of stuff. Much easier to sort it out and put it back in your own house now than after the baby is born.

Please, please do try and get living arrangements sorted out so that you have a life together (with BF) before the baby is born.

The media requests topic is that way --->

I have reported the newITVshow post.

If you move now you'll be close to your parents who will be able to give you support etc - and you will be able to get all your care sorted out where you want it.

Move now - will be much easier

Oh FGS Joanna, stop raiding the archives and pay the fee!!!