How to stop MiL giving DP money??

[Dinkytinky]

Bit of back story- my BiL is reliant on his mum for cash - she gave him a credit card to live off which he has subsequently taken advantage of, going on holidays etc even though he has 2 degrees and is in his late thirties. MIL confided in me that she feels bad BIL gets so much and dp doesn't get as much and she wanted to give him cash to even it out.

I said not to- my dp doesn't approve of his brothers lifestyle and would rather do without than ask his mum for money, he's very independant and wants his mum to enjoy herself with his dad.

She phoned him today saying she wants to give him this money to which he said no, she keeps badgering on about it and said she'll put it in his account anyway etc etc.

She has had to return to work at 65 to fund BILs lifestyle which we both find appalling. I don't know what to do about it because we really don't want her money, were not rich but we don't struggle much.
Do you think I should chat to her about bil?
I want to make her see that dp and I are independant and proud of what we have and I don't want her to work to buy us things.
She's coming over tomorrow so any help is very welcome

Let her do what she wants but tell her you won't spend it.
Doesn't your dp talk to his brother about this? Sounds insane. Does he work?

No they don't talk much, dp ends up getting very angry about it. He's an 'artist' and lives in Paris.

You could take it and put it in a high interest account, ready to return to her when she needs it Obviously that is only if she absolutely insists on putting th emoney in DPs account.

Can't she see that she shouldn't have to be working at her age to support her son? If he hasn't managed to support himself now, he needs a wake up call.

I can't believe he's using his mother's credit card for holidays!

I think you and your husband need to speak to his mother. Ask her exactly how much is owed and try to work out a method of repaying it so that she has some idea of when she can stop work.

Speak to her about other people you know or have heard about and how they manage - eg people who write novels in the evening after a day at work or artists who paint in the day time but work in a restaurant at night.

For whatever reasons your MIL has chosen to enable her other son with predictable consequences. She did not have to give him a credit card after all. Its only given her a false sense of control and has certainly not helped him any re taking responsibility for his own actions as an adult.

She probably would not listen to anything you said to her about her son anyway; some people do not want to hear the truth about the consequences of their own actions.

If any moneies from her are deposited into your account return it forthwith.

Thanks- atswim, I do really worry about her working now- she had two knee replacemens last year and her job involves her being on her feet all day. Great idea about mentioning 'friends' etc.
Attila- I think you are tight about the control/enabling thing. He only ever phones to ask for cash and when he's doing allright for himself he doesn't contact her at all. He hasn't sent her a mothers day/Xmas/birthday card in 4 years :(
I think we will send it straight back, I feel if we accept it that will add fuel to the fire.

Sorry right not tight!!