divorce support - is there anybody out there?

[desideratum]

I've gradually reached a decision to divorce my husband after over 16 years in a relationship and 12 years of marriage. I never, ever believed this could happen to us as my parents divorced when I was 5 and it took me years and years to get over it. Anyway, despite all my best intentions, I have to end this marriage. I need help to get through the process, though. Desperately.

We have two dc: dd is 10 & ds is 7. I'm a regular MNer but have changed names for obvious reasons. Is there anyone who's been there, done that or who is going through similar? I'm terrified and sad and completely lost. Worried for the dc more than myself. How to begin? Thanks.

Ill join you. I have 3 boys (11,8 &5) and have been living apart from their father ( he left because I kicked him out) since August 9th.

He is an alcoholic and drug addict. I kicked him out because he put ds1 at huge risk by being paralytically drunk in London with our 11 year old son. He is very very sorry now, but I think he has had far too many chances that he has not taken and do not feel inclined to give him another. He is sober at the moment and going to AA. But too late

I will be seeking divorce.

DS1 is pleased he's had enough too, not just of the alcohol but of the bad temper, aggression, irrationality, changeability and general chaos that comes from living with an alcoholic. ds2 is devastated, and ds 3 doesn't seem too bothered.

I'm dreading it, he can be so vindictive and irrational. at the moment he is being nice - I don't think he believes I will actually divorce him.- but when he realises I will....

ho hum

lots of support to you all , Its hard, but sometimes its necessary

Oh God! I've just found out that we may have to go through FOUR YEARS of separation until granted a divorce. I can't face it! But what choice do I have? Feeling ill and absolutely desperate.

Try to remember that divorce is just a piece of paper a bit like a marriage certificate. On separation you can act totally independently of each other and organise your life in support of that. Some people even manage to do that while living in the same house, though I know I couldn't. You can separate finances and sort out what you want to happen with the DCs.

Don't forget to remake your will to reflect your new status!

The time will pass faster than you think. At one point I was desperate to go for divorce but seeing how hard it's been to sort out money I don't need the extra stress of agreeing 'unreasonable behaviour' terms. Am now less than a year off the 2 year deadline and we still haven't got a separation agreement but I've got all the money now so he'll have to agree soon

Oh Desideratum, I am so sorry for you. As secrets has just said, divorce is just a piece of paper. Your marriage is over and as far as possible, you should move forward as if you had that piece of paper in your hand. What would you do if it had been finalised today?

BTW, today I dropped in the legal aid forms for the divorce proceedings I started in May. Like Secrets, I preferred to leave it for the 2 years as when we separated I simply did not have the strength to fight on the grounds of Unreasonable Behaviour. It does get easier and as long as you continue to be a great mum your kids will get through this. However, in order to do right by them, you must also do right by yourself.

am lol at separate finances - never had a joint account!