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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How can i help DP to not be so uptight!

3 replies

TitsalinaBumSquash · 18/08/2010 20:18

My DP is driving me a bit nuts at the moment, he is really uptight and parinoid especially when it comes to our children.

I will give you 2 examples.

  1. My 2 sisters and i are thinking of taking our children (7 in total) camping, just for the weekend, we have all been camping pre children and though a weekend away would be nice.
DP wouldnt be coming he doesnt like camping, he doesnt want us to go his reasoning is he is worried about the kids getting lost, or someone taking them from the tent in thie night and if i will cope with them.

I have explained that hundreds of people take thier children camping every year and that there will be 3 grown women there to look after the DCs and i look after them all day everyday so i will cope fine.

  1. My freind has invited us to stay at hers next year, again DP doesnt like being a gues at peoples houses so it will be just me and the kids, it would require a very short plain ride to Scotland, DP again is panicking about how i will cope with the children and if they will get lost ect.

He is like this about everything, he freaks out in crowded places and really doesnt like the children doing anything, he says he is being snsible in 'this day and age' and that he trusts nobody.

I personally think he has ocd tendencies as well with safety issues like repeated checking of the cooker, doors and windows ect so i dont know if that has anything to do with it.

Anyway it is a big rift in our relationship becuase i feel that the children should to an extent beable to live and experience new things and that i am very capable of keeping them safe, i look after them from 8-6 every days and they are both still alive!

How can i help him to relax a little im really worried that the amount of tension he radiates will end up causing him a nerbous breakdown or heart attack or something!

OP posts:
TitsalinaBumSquash · 18/08/2010 20:19

Plane! Sorry! Blush

OP posts:
womblingfree · 18/08/2010 23:05

Have you suggested to him that it might be an idea to speak to his gp about his anxiety?
My mum has similar issues. The thing is as your dc's get older and want to do more it will be harder for him to deal with and his reactions will start to affect them. I would have loved to have gone to uni miles from home or had a gap year travelling but didn't cos I knew how badly mum would react and didn't want to leave my dad to deal with it.
It really would be an idea to try and get to the bottom of your dh's ishoos before they escalate. I believe cognitive behavioural therapy can be useful.

Ps whereabouts are you in West Sussex (nosey emotion!)

TitsalinaBumSquash · 19/08/2010 09:07

Thanks for your repy, he has had counceling through the gp before for depression and anger issues he had a shockingly bad childhood.
I think the promblem is he has minus confidence and it really shows but i dont want him to pass that onto the children.
He doesnt see that he has a problem though so wont see a gp.

Im in Chichester Smile

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