Why is life so fucking hard?
Got raped 3 and a half years ago, on two occasions, and was seriously messed up in the head. Had PTSD and basically was not functioning on a normal level at all.
A month after the second incident I got with my ex bf. We were together until about 2 months ago. I met another man and although did not cheat, I had strong feelings for him (purely physical). I didn't want to cheat on my bf so I told him about it and we sorted it out. But since then I have not felt happy at all. And our relationship was very up and down and dramatic. So I ended the relationship.
Since doing that it seems the last 3 years have never happened. All the healing I've done with my ex has gone, it feels like. I feel like all my friends don't want to spend time with me any more as I am too depressed.
My ex wants to get back with me and is constantly saying how much he loves me etc. We loved each other very much and in a way I want to get back with him but I do not want the anger, shouting and violence (me to him).
I have met another man who I love spending time with and we have had sex but I get the feeling he is bad news. But right now I don't even care, as I don't really care what happens to me.
I feel like I have no one, am worth nothing. I appreciate I probably sound sorry for myself but I just want to be honest with my feelings.
Sorry for the long post.
Any advice?