Why? Total madness surely?

[dorky]

I was chatting to a mate today. X has been married for nearly 25 years and they have kids. X told me X's marriage was done almost on a whim, just because it's what people do (not because either party wanted kids soon, and X is unsure either really loved each other).
X and spouse have never been very compable, and know they wind each other up - apparently even their kids know they don't get along very well.

Why...
A) did they get married
B) don't they sort out a split so they can each find happiness (OK finances and so-called 'family values' might be reasons to stay - although not very good one!)

Surely it must be total madness to be in a relationship where neither party is content, and what role model does it provide the kids... And why did they get married in the first place, do people really do this?

Seriously, of all my married friends, I can honestly say that I can only name three couples who are actually happy. And one of those is on their second marriage having both left previous partners. I think many couples (not all, obviously) stay together because it's easier to do that. "Better the devil you know" perhaps?

I'm with you on this though - I can't understand why people stay together if they're not happy. Which possibly explains why I've never been married

I will only ever get married once and because i love that person and want too be together forever. Can't understand people that get married knowing they don't really love each other.

It may be different in X's case but for many couples, even if they aren't "in love" with each other they are good friends. They may not be ecstatically happy, but they aren't unhappy either so it's easier to stay together.
It's not something I've talked about with RL friends but I know at least two marriages of more than 20 years where the partners aren't in love with each other but they are good mates and support each other. Isn't that enough?

Having experienced the whole falling in love thing with pink clouds one day and the pits of hell the next, I think a good amicable friendship type marriage has lots to commend it.

People are never going to be madly in love after 20 years- the best they can hope for is a deep love and companionship.

Just because a couple bicker, doesn't mean to say they don't have this.

Marantha, that's just not true.
You can still have utter heart stopping love and lust for a lifetime - it can wax and wane over the years but it doesn't mean it's gone. I am still madly in love with DH after 28 years and he is even more so with me, he'd have to be to put up with my hormental state.

You just can't tell what another couple's marriage is like from the outside, anyone observing me and DH might think we hate each other from the way we often speak to one another, yet I know a couple who are all touchy feely/all over each other in public and they aren't happy at all, it's an act.

I can't understand why people who don't even like each other will stay together "for the children" - it's hideous and damaging to everyone.

Well, because people are constatnly being fed the bullshit that marriage&parenthood are compulsory, that you are an immature failure of a person if you don't 'settle down' by the time you've reached some arbitrary age limit. So people who are not much used to thinking for themselves will often reach a stage in their lives where many of their friends are married or marrying and developing Noah's Ark syndrome - so these people look at whoever they are dating at the time and if the person is OK ie non-violent, not a substance abuser, and reasonably solvent, particularly if the person has expressed keenness to commit more, and they think Oh well better the devil you know, everyone's got to do it at some point.
And wonder why they are bored and resentful for the rest of their lives.

My parents got married 30 years ago & didn't really know each other that well. Maybe more common a few years ago than people think? For my Mum, I think the choices were pretty much secretary or get married, & I know she wanted to get out of her perental home, so marriage it was! Still together.

People should only get married if they intend on staying faithful and together for the rest of their lives, if people thought of it in those terms then less people would rush into it because it would seem much more of a commitment.
A marriage should be for life, if the thought of that scares you or you know deep down you're not up to it, then you shouldn't be doing it.