how do i forget??

[deluded2]

Hi.First time on mumsnet so please bear with me.So much to tell but will try and keep it brief.Basically been married for 10 years to a really good guy.He was never the love of my life but i knew he was a good guy,family loved him,i love his family etc..all very important in my culture.We have a young child and he is a fantastic father.I met someone 6 years ago who basically blew me away.The love of my life i guess you could say.Have tried so many times to break contact,very hard as we live in the same area and keep bumping in to each other.This last time we had absolutely no contact for 4 months and i have never felt so desperate and miserable.Everytime i caught sight of him or his car it was like a knife through my stomach even after 4 months.Tried to throw myself into my family life and look at and appreciate what i have but nothing could take away this empty feeling inside.He sent me a text to say happy birthday and we're back to where we started.He is also sad as he's been on his own all these years,getting older (early 40's now)with nothing to show,no family,no children and this also hurts me :(
I know i'm stupid,selfish and deserve no sympathy,please just want somebody to tell me how to make these feelings of love go away so that we don't have to hurt anyone.How do i forget when he lives so close?In years to come will i be able to forget and be happy with what i have even though i love him more than my husband??

Is it love for sure or an infatuation. If it's an infatuation the reality may be boring and hundrum. If you love him, however how can you be with your husband if you love another? You need to think long and hard about this. Others will tell you to ignore these feelings but you can't help how you feel.

Also, why has he been on his own for so long? Do you think he has issues? Would you feel jealous if he got a women?

It's been 6 years so yes am sure it's love and yes would be very jealous if he met someone else.Infact,he did try and start something with someone during one of our attempted separations but he said he couldn't stop thinking of me and it just fizzled after a few dates.He says the reason he hasn't met someone is because his heart is elsewhere ie with me so he can never really give anyone else a chance.

And yes am hardly ever intimate with my husband which i know is because of my feelings for someone else..luckily he's never really been a demanding kind of guy in that department so doesn't really say anything,just assumes am a normal tired mum etc :(

If you turned the situation around and read this as though your husband had wrote it how would this make you feel? I understand what you are saying about not wanting to hurt anyone but i think your husband deserves the chance of finding someone who would truly love him, it all just seems a bit cruel tbh.

I would be with this man to be honest. You both have strong feelings and you should follow your heart. Agree that your husband needs the chance to find someone else. It will hurt but then you can move on.
Also think about your kids. If you ran straight into the arms of this other man then they would be distraught.
Take it slowly.
Mabe relate? That's my cop out phrase!

Thank you both of you for your advice.Can't just leave though because would not just be hurting one man but an entire generation of families,his,mine and extended,all of whom are so so close and adore me and our family :( Could try relate though not sure what they could really do for us....help me to forget one man and be happy enough with another??Do you think i will ever learn to forget and learn to feel how i felt before the OM came along or will i always have this feeling of emptiness?? :(