how to I deal with this

[changingfortoday]

hi- I have namechanged for this as rl friends are on here.

my 1st boyfriend ended up marrying one of friends (not a close friend just someone i see and say hello to kind of thing). They have two children and have been married 7 years. I have 3 children and have been married for the same amount of time.

I'm happily married and my dh is close friends with my ex boyf. (just to let you know i never slept with my ex we were young and i wouldn't we were only together a yr) anyway in the last yr we have started going on double dates which have been nice, however the ex has started coming on to me, saying we have unfinished business etc, he wants me etc. we went away for the weekend a few weekends back and i went back to our room to get my flip flops as my feet were killing, i opened the door to leave and go back down to the bar where everyone else was and ex was outside, nothing happened apart from a quick fumble no kissing etc, but i am ashamed to say i enjoyed it and can't stop thinking about him.

I am happily married, my husband is amazing and i am gutted this has happened, but why do i feel like it? i don't want to do as my kinky knickers are wanting my ex so much but my realistic loving wife side would never do anything to hurt my family.

is this a case of wanting what you can't/shouldn't have? I really need some perspective on this.

TIA

He's a twat and it will all end in tears, walk away!

Think macdoodle is right. If it hasn't occurred to you before to restart anything with him then this isn't coming from you. don't respond. I don't usually post on the relationship threads as I don't have much life experience to offer. However your thread just screams out to be answered now as I would hate to see you in a few months writing about how your life has fallen apart.

Thank you your responses are exactly what i would think if it wasn't me involved if you know what i mean.
what a mess

Try to cool things with the couple.

You are probably not the first he has tried it on with.

If necessary just say to your DH, that your ex makes you feel uncomfortable. Or you want more just you time.

Well, it's not a mess - yet. But it will be if you don't knock this on the head right now. But you know that, don't you.
Good luck.

i do know that, i'm just angry at myself for 'wanting' something to happen but whether i'd actually go through with it is another thing. maybe i just crave the excitement, i don't know. we're not in contact as everytime he has texted me i have deleted his number so i am not tempted to respond when drunk... not thats very often but eventho i am safe guarding that.

think yourself lucky you didn't end up married to him! You got the good one - think you how wull feel if your DH even gets a sniff that something might be going on.

It's just a bit of excitement and flattery. Why don't you confine any fantasy to the inside of your head and give a very strong message to this bloke that you are not interested and nothing is ever going to happen.

If it were me I would tell DH that he had been coming on to you so that the relationship between you and the other couple would have to end and there would be no risk of you irretrievably f*cking up your marriage out of pure stupidity.

i can't believe i feel like this, i could cry. its so stupid, everything about it is stupid. my husband is my best friend, we have a fantastic sex life, financially stable- but i still feel like it, with all that said, with all the reality and all the 'thinking with my head'.

If you don't want something to happen then you have to stop this now. Right now. You have to actively stop thinking and having fantasies. Every time it starts you have to think about something else. If you don't have this discipline now then you won't have the control next time an opportunity comes his way.

imagine the situation was reversed and the woman in this couple was coming onto your husband?

what would you want him to do?

what do you think he should do?

would you want him to spend his time fantasising about some deceitful, unfaithful, back stabbing, using tart who is prepared to lie to her life partner, best friends and children in order to get her leg over to deal with some unfinished business?

You know, he is unlikely to have been a 100% faithful husband who suddenly comes over all lothario because he took a fancy to you again after all these years. He probably cheats right, left and centre. Nice bloke to risk your marriage for?

The thing to remember is that this bloke's attentions are reawakenig a part of your brain that contains the memories of being young and (possibly more) attractive when everything was exciting and romantic and all that, and it's like a little addictive drug to you right now. Every time you feel weak just picture your kids faces as you tell them that mummy and daddy will no longer be together because mummy has done something very silly...

thanks girls still feel rotten though

Just put it down to experience.
This bloke just knows how to get under your skin.
He sounds like a right slime-ball.

I would tell your dh why you don't want to socialise with them. Apart from the bit about you enjoying it. I'm sure that he will agree that you can avoid them.

Boogie is spot on! Exactly what i was thinking.

His poor wife! You could have been her. And I agree he is a lothario - its all a big ego trip to him and he needs to add you to his list of conquests. To show you what you are missing...

Of course theres the thrill of him making you feel like the most desirable woman on earth and to him its all about the fact he can get any woman he wants, whether "taken" or not. I doubt its about you and I doubt he even sees you as a person - I think its just a game for him.

You have a wonderful husband so please dont risk what you have for this insecure immature "man".