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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Help me get this into perspective please!

37 replies

Shellshocked · 27/08/2005 17:00

I have changed my name for this. I am trying desperately to get my head around this. My dh has given me his old mobile as he has an upgrade. I have transferred my sim card to this phone so he has bis no and I still have mine. Anyway I was scrolling through texts and came across sent sex texts. I was literally shaking. I confronted dh who denied it then after busying himself with stuff came and admitted he had participated as a joke for a month. Actually the messge are over about 3 months. I don't know what to think. I feel betrayed. I don't know if this was with one or many other texters. The recipient no is the same but could this just be a post box? God if you knew my dh you would be as surprised as me. I can't speak to him at the moment as I find him disgusting. He says its innocent but I have a bad taste left about this. Can anyone help me get this straight in my head or is my marriage damaged now?

OP posts:
cod · 27/08/2005 17:50

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cod · 27/08/2005 17:50

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Original poster
Shellshocked · 27/08/2005 17:54

Yes he's been replying as these are all under sent texts. I don't know what he got as there is nothing under received as I guess this histroy went over with his upgrade on his sim. He never deleted them cos he never knew they would remain on the old phone. I have spoken to him last night but he's been working all day today. Last night he said in so many words it was innocent/joke, he hadn't had an affair, it was only for a month (that's a lie) and now today I find the time/dates of these messages are still accessible and I am reeling again as it shows it went on over 3 months and at times when he was here in this house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shellshocked · 27/08/2005 17:57

I just passed him on the landing and told him to make the kid's dinner "as it will give you something to do with your fingers" - however I do need to talk to him again don't I not just make him squirm. I have my make up on now so I can't do it now or I'll be going out as an Alice Cooper lookee likee. I will do it though!

OP posts:
jac34 · 27/08/2005 18:06

Ask to see his new phone, if they have gone over with his sim card you can read them to see the content and judge for yourself. If they are a joke or innocent then he souldn't mind, should he!!!

Original poster
Shellshocked · 27/08/2005 18:08

I checked his phone last night without permission - nothing on there.

OP posts:
beetroot · 27/08/2005 18:47

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jac34 · 27/08/2005 19:10

Tell him if he wants someone to text dirty to him,don't waste money on chat lines, you'll do it for free!!!
Perhaps you could start tonight while your out, it might sort of "break the ice".

fireflyfairy2 · 27/08/2005 19:30

Hi.

I can understand how you feel, not from experience, but i can imagine how betrayed you must feel.
I would imagine the reason why calls are barred to that number is because it IS a sex TEXT line.. and it's done from a cpmputer or something therefore no voice on the other end if you rang... it's computer automated.... beleive me.
Not that this makes you feel any better im sure, but has your DH apologised or tried to explain what happened? I know myself and my own DH joke and send each other saucy texts some days.. it's all fun, but i honestly cannot imagine anyone getting off on texted letters.... can you? He maybe began it as a joke.. a msg was sent to him (which many a time I have received on my own phone!) and he replied as a joke.. they would have charged him for those texts... probably WAY over and above the text rate as it was a call line. Id say it's all got out of hand and wouldn't suspect an affair...
Looks like you need to sit down and talk with your DH (Ok I know not many men are keen on talking but it needs to be done).
I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope you and your DH can get over this blip... XX

cod · 28/08/2005 07:46

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Original poster
Shellshocked · 28/08/2005 09:06

Hi, fine. He's at work again today which I think he's relieved about I asked him to drop me to my work colleagues house yesterday evening (children were in the car so had to be matter of fact in tone) and on the way asked him if these texts were all to one woman and told him I knew this had gone on longer than 1 month. He said that you did not know who you were receiving/sending to and that he must have sent about half a dozen. I think I do believe him but he is acting as if I am over reacting! Probably a front though! I told him a little humility would go along way in helping me get over this. I think it's going to take a while to get back to "normal" but I know he is sqirming and ashamed even though he isn't showing it. I said if it was innocent perhaps he won't mind me mentioning it to a few people including my mum and his mum and he didn't look amused. I had a good night at the wedding regardless of this and am amazed I am so calm really - thanks

OP posts:
beetroot · 29/08/2005 22:18

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