Ex has new woman and it hurts.

[tametiger]

Back story here

Bumped into Ex today and he told me is seeing someone else. This someone is 'very sweet and very dear' and I feel as if my heart is breaking all over again. He says they have lots of laughs together whereas I was always down and miserable.
He maintains that the break-up was down to me always wanting my own way and that the dog business was the last straw for him.
For some reason I find I am unable to argue with him or express my point of view clearly as he is able to tie me up into knots. I am no fool, degree educated, professional career, yet this man manages to make me tongue-tied.
Anyway, he is now loved up with this new woman but I am welcome to pop in for coffee if I am around. He says I should be OK about bumping into her or them together and doesn't seem to see that I couldn't bear to see it. He says I should be more grown up about it all.
I feel that I could have tried harder to save this relationship and am blaming myself for all of this. I don't know how to make myself feel better.

What about having a look at this book?

www.amazon.co.uk/Power-Control-Charming-Dangerous-Lovers/dp/0091884322/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1302944524&sr=8-1

You describe him as being handsome and charming, etc. This book may help you get a handle on why even if that's all true, he's still a nobber.

You need to cut all contact and seek counselling. There is something not right when you still crave a man that is such a twunt and has treated you so badly.

No, this man isn't a friend and you should not believe him. You need to cut all ties with him and not see him. I agree that you should seek counselling for your codependency.

He sounds about eighty...who the hell describes a new girlfriend as 'very dear'.

Also, it is so obvious he's said all these things about popping in for coffee, and 'you should be more grown up about the situation' in order to make you jealous/feel bad. Unless there was more to the conversation, it sounds very weird to me.

Hmmm...just laughing at you shouting from the rooftops about his small willy. I think, you know, you might have hit the nail on the head. He seems incredibly insecure and the reason behind all the grandstanding is that he needs you to boost his ego. YOU left HIM all that time ago, when he never thought you would. All this showy off shit is to try and repair the damage you did to his ego back then (and to compensate, in his mind, for his small willy).

OP - you have done all you needed to do. You got away. Now the best revenge is to live life well. Keep busy, try new things (courses/groups), catch up with old friends, go for a make-up lesson/spa day/hair cut (whatever floats your boat and gives you a boost) - your life will be too full for him to even figure. I can't believe you are letting him use up so much of your emotional energy or headspace when you are quite clearly more than capable of getting rid, as you did when your DS was 7. You are so much stronger than him. Cut him off. He needs you for these ego boosts (yeah right, new gf, sweet and dear - yuk - agree with Wanna - sounds like they met in the retirement home) - I would not advise meeting someone for the purposes of pissing him off, but oh boy would it fuck him off to see you out with someone - and of course, you would never be so crass as to tell him.

hi this is hurt65 .pls is there anyone who could help me what to do with my situation ?

Hi hurt 65. You could start your own thread, are you okay? What is troubling you?

hurt65 this is an old thread. You could do as fabby says and start your own thread? I'm sorry to read of your situation but I really don't know what to say. Hopefully somebody will be along soon.

Hurt sorry missed your post.

You need to take control of your life and move on from this man.

Start making your own life and leave behind the past.

hi ,sorry guys ,i am new here .dont know whats the proper way to seek advices ,i trust you guys to tell me .can i do this ? can i make myself free ? he seem so helpful but keeps hurting me maybe or maybe not of what he is doing to me . shall i make it a day now and moved on ????? what if he keeps saying its just a help ? and being freindly ? BY THE WAY HOW COULD I START MY OWN TRHEAD?

You are free, he has another woman, he has told you to be free, to look for someone else.

Is your heart free? Are you ready to move on? Sometimes you need a period of being on your own in order to find yourself again.

Don't jump into anything too soon. x

Hi hurt65 if you scroll to the top of the page under the blue bar with Topics>>Relationships there should be Start a new thread. Click on that and give people some background info (nothing too identifying so you keep your anonymity) in your Opening Post (people replying quite often refer to you - the thread starter - as OP as short for this). I think we should leave tametiger to her own thread but I am sure you will get good advice on your own thread.