He's unsure about having a child - I'm very sure

[caz61]

Hi All

Hope you could maybe share your experiences/advice with me. My DP has agreed to have a child - he is 51 and I am 41. Only thing is deep down I know he has never felt the urge for a child and is really only doing this for me. As he says (and I can quite understand this) without having the urge for kids, he won't know if he would like having them until is happens and then it would be too late to do anything about it....you know, no taking them back!!! He is pretty happy with his life now and I can see all of this weighing on him even if he doesn't say it. That said nearly everyone he meets says he would make a wonderful father and kids are naturally drawn to him - he is a lot of fun and a bit of a big kid himself. He never talks about it all and it is always me that has to bring up the subject, which I really find hard to do sometimes. I don't want to make him unhappy, but don't feel I can sacrifice the possibility of motherhood.

I know with my age I have significantly reduced chances and I am prepared for that (I think!).

I'd love to hear from anyone who could help. Just being a bit of a saddo all - sorry...it's just this was been on my mind for a while

Cam. boys are aged 2 and 3.5, why?

caz61.pregancy wasn't planned either of them. caught accidentley with second. Your so right his need has been fulfilled but mine has'nt and he just doesn't understand this. how are you getting on,did you managed to talk to your dh. I do love my dp,but sometimes when I try to talk about having baby this is when I want to shout and screem at him saying it's not fair that he's got a child and I have'nt.

Only because where you say that in retrospect you made the wrong decision having children I sort of guessed you may have 2 young ones close together. It gets so much easier when they are school age and they get less dependant on you.

Kittie - so sorry to hear about your last two pregnancies, i can't begin to imagine your devastation. Do you think your husband doesn't want anymore because of the pain it caused you both before? I can appreciate it must be difficult when you are so desperate to have another but maybe he's frightened of seeing you suffering again if (heaven forbid) it didn't work out. Maybe you can just hope that in time he changes his mind once he sees how committed to the idea you are.

I posted earlier about how I found the first 2 years really tough - now have a 4 and 2 yr old.

We went out for lunch with my brother a few weeks ago and ds2 was really badly behaved - screamed so much that the people on the next table moved to the other end of the restaurant.
We went to my mum's for tea and bro had the joy of entertaining ds2 again. He has 2 sons of 12 and 10, and as he was leaving he said to me - "I was wrong - it does get easier when they get older." I live in hope....

Teletubby.maybe your right I might be being to hard on him.maybe he is thinking about me and the pain we have been through. My friends have told me to try and not talk to him about having a baby and then in time he might come round hopefully he will one day.forgot to say that i'm only 23 and my dp is 32.not that this should make any difference. so thats another reason my dp is so against having a baby cause he thinks his old. has anybody got any advice on how to try and change his mind. men are so stubbon!! sorry should have set up a new thread. (sorry caz61)

don't be sorry Kittie & don't start a new thread on my account - I hope the posts are helping you as much as me ....and anyone else of course with a similar dilemma

Old, Kittie? Wonder what he'd make of us - me 40, dh 46 with a two year old. My 41 year old friend had her second son yesterday! I still roll around on the floor with ds and dh runs around with ds on his shoulders, chasing his 11-year-old dd from previous relationship. Shrieks of hilarity all round. Kids don't care. I'm not grey and elderly, either. You are very, very young so you do have lots of time, but I think from the strength of your feelings he will have to compromise or lose you. I wonder if he has any idea of that? Would not have married dh if he was vehemently against having children.

aloha. Dp says his old but you should see how he is with his 9yr old son,acts like a child himself when the weekends come as we have his son every weekend!!dp plays computer with him, ball games watches t.v. you name it he will do whatever his son wants to do. I think he is just using old as a excuse not to have anymore children.one day I'm sure I'll have a baby. Caz 61 hope things are going o.k for you.