Great new man, but there's no chemistry

[Beethoven]

Ok, so I know what I need to do here, but I thought I'd share anyway.

I've met a new guy, he's a hospital doctor, funny, smart, (comes from a wealthy family - very shallow I know!).

The thing is, I just don't fancy him. He's a little short and not in best physical condition.

We've had 3 really fun dates, met my friends on one, who liked him, but there's no physical chemistry. I want to fancy him, but it's just not happening.

I know what I need to do, tell him I see him as a friend, but not as a partner. So very difficult though.

hi just passing by and bumping for you. I agree that it is a shame. I like the funny atribute. But yes it is how it is...has he got any friends?

Hi Beethoven - think you advised me on one of my threads....

If you're sure there's zero chemistry then don't go on another date.....if he likes you a lot then being friends could lead to problems in the future also. Although it sounds harsh to suggest you cut him out.

Don't end up like me and dating him for nearly a year, all the time hoping it will click and having to eventually break his heart - it will be much more horrific then. Especially as you will have developed feelings for him, even if not sexual ones.

Why don't you give him a bit more time? Wasn't there something about going out with someone ten times and seeing each other in different circumstances (eg seeing him in the day time, doing a sport, going for a long walk, driving somewhere long distance) so that you saw all aspects of them? You seem to want an immediate chemical reaction to him; maybe if you give it a lot more time, this might manifest itself.

Read the threads on here where so many women are so unhappy - I'm sure there was an instant chemical attraction for them with their partners - it doesn't mean it necessarily works out, does it?

I may well see him a few more times, but I'm finding it's becoming a little embarrassing that at the end of each date, I think he's expecting a kiss and it's not forthcoming.

I think it doesn't help that I'm quite tall (5'9") and he's only 5'6" tall (that does seem terribly superficial I know)

so if you close your eyes and think you won't see him again...
does that sound like a normal scenario or would you miss something about him?

Kayah,

I'd think it was a shame, but I think Mr Right's somewhere else out there. Still, he is lovely, and every date has been really good fun. I think I know roughly what I have to do

maybe you could stay friends?

If you feel absolutely nothing whatsoever and can't bring yourself to kiss him, I think the fairest thing is just to let him know you don't see it going anywhere. At the moment you have no commitment or duty to him whatsoever - it'll be a hell of a lot more difficult for both of you several weeks down the line, when he thinks you've continued to see him because you like him, and you're fond of him.

Like garageflower, I went out with somebody for months a few years ago, all the while hoping I'd fall for him but in reality knowing it was never going to happen. It was horrible, especially the anticipation of knowing I had to end it. Also agree with garageflower that 'being friends' with somebody who really likes you is a minefield probably not worth visiting, but if you genuinely see him as friendship material and mean it about being friends (not just doing it out of a misguided sense of sympathy because you don't fancy him) then go for it.

It's never going to work - don't waste your time or his. You need someone you can't keep your hands off!

I think you should snog him and see how you feel then . He may be a tiger [growl].

It can develop given several years and a lot of self-convincing. But then you end up realising why you never fancied them in the first place, and it's rarely to do with their physical status. Usually there is something going on you can't quite quantify at the time, and it's good not to ignore it.

You didn't dismiss him out of hand but I think after a few months or weeks of trying and you aren't turned on enough to kiss him, you need to back out as soon as poss x

At the moment, I feel like a dog on heat as well. In the summer, out and about in town, I'm seeing all these men in the street, and it doesn't take me a lot to think I could fancy a snog.

The trap I fell into (or created myself, rather) was that whilst hoping for the chemistry to manifest itself, I really grew fond of him and got into a routine with him that was very settling and re-assuring so not only did I stupidly go along with it, I am now grieving for something I didn't partcularly want or need

I think best to hold out for someone who makes you tingle.

garageflower - couldn't agree more (talking from experience)

Do yourself and this guy a big favour: don't see him again.