OH Useless and smokes weed

[freedomfrom]

Hi All,
I just wanted some advice from people who may have been through this before.

I met my OH 2 years ago and found out he smoked weed, which he promised me he'd stop. He never did, nor wants too. I didnt realise how addictive it was.

I found out I was pregnant a few days b4 he told me he wasnt going to quit. (2months into relationship) So I decided to give it a chance even with the weed. (he swears it doesnt affect him).
He never moved in with us, his excuse was that I went to St lucia with a friend at 3-4 months pregnant and that was wrong apparently.
He's always been useless with the baby. He's never here. He's always late- like 5-6 hours late. He wasnt giving me any money for months for his son, (he didnt have job). So i ended it at the beginning of this year.

So he gets a job, starts giving me upkeep for son. Keeps trying to get back with me, a few months ago I agreed to give it another go as I felt guilty, and wondered if the relationship break up was partly becuase of me. - he tends to blame our problems on me.
So now I find out I'm pregnant again and OH is back to usual. Only comes over twice a week. Always late. We never go anywhere or do anything, maybe a trip to tesco if I'm lucky. He still doesnt help with son even tho I have asked him nicely to be here more cus I am sick and tired from pregnancy etc.
Its apparently my fault that he's not here more becuase I wont let him keep weed here and so it doesnt feel like home and he may get caught by sniffer dogs on the way here. Also becuase I dont cook for him, (when he turns up at 11pm at night) -(I have cooked but I get the moody silence as it is never good enough for him). At least once a week he'll go in a mood about something, and walk out. Basically if he hasnt got his way or I've said something to upset him.
I have spoken to him loads about his behaviours and there has been a few improvements, but I know he wont quit the weed and I'm not happy in the relationship.

But am I being mean by ending it or not trying for longer as we've only been back a couple of months and there has been some improvements.
plus I guess I'm scared to end it again as I'm going to hurt him and me, and he'll probably start sending txt again blaming me, making me fel guilty for spliting up family etc.
sorry for the essay!

36! he is a waster. My judgemental side coming out here, but I would have imagined you two to be a lot younger, late teens early twenties.

I do think you'd benefit from some counselling of sorts to address your personal issues. If you met him at 28, you made a decision to get pregnant by a pot head you had known 2 months, it's quite a lack of responsibility for someone that age.

But whats done is done. I'd be more worried that he has an 8 year old son who he looks after a few days a week whilst presumably he is smoking weed whilst he is there and keeping it in the house.

FGS dump him run, he is not father or partner material, he is a hopeless pot head who is using you when he feels like it.

Please do get some counselling though, so you don't go running into the next blokes arms who happens to come along. Enjoy yourself and your kids and stay away from wasters, don't rush things!

Has he managed to keep the job he got?
I couldn't respect someone that lazy.
It's good he's parenting his other kid, but it sounds as though he's more committed to him than you.
If he sulks and doesn't pull his weight it sounds pointless.
Why can't he cook for you when he comes round? I presume he can cook if he lives alone.
Doesn't sound much of a male role model for your kids.

Believe it or not I've had a lot of hypnotherapy etc, an I know my problem I guess I just dont act on it.
But yes, maybe soon I'll look into seeing someone again cus I'm tired of going out with idiots!
He's kept the job but I have noticed some days he has off a lot, which sometimes I wonder if its him pulling sickies or not going in. Not sure. He can be on time to get his 8 yr old son tho.
He did used to sometimes cook, but he has really difficult eating 'habits' he will either only eat chicken and chips or his mums cooking, rice and chicken type thing. He can cook himself though.
No I dont think he's much of a role model either, thats part of the reason I ended it in the forst place. Just had a moment of weakness and got back with him....

He sounds like an overgrown child. He is doing nothing for you, your child or your unborn child. Whatever job he's done on your self esteem, don't believe a word he says about you. He's no great catch, and you don't deserve the hassle of having him like a millstone around your neck. Get rid, sharpish.