Why do people want what they can't have?

[littlestmummystop]

I met someone online and I totally fell for him almost instantly ( and this is after many, many dates with other people and felt nothing for)

I knew deep down he probably wasn't that keen. EG wasn't keen to make another date. But he did text a lot and, bizarrely, ended up coming over to my house a couple of times to help with DIY ( he says he likes doing it)
I made it clear I fancied him and liked him v much.

He said he really enjoyed my company, but then wasn't looking for a relationship :(

Fast forward two months and we ended up meeting a few more times, he flirted lots, told me he wanted to sleep with me. I refused, told him I found his line of 'no relationship' a turn off. But I couldn't help flirting back etc.

Then I went on another date with someone else. This guy got all jealous, then said he'd seen the light finally and what was it I wanted. I accused him of only feeling this way because I'd met someone else. He said it wasn't the case, but ended up saying: Good luck with him, hope it works out.

I told him never to contact me again. I felt stupid going along with it for so long. I thought he'd change his mind though. I thought we'd be so good together. :(

Now, two weeks with no contact and I am really missing him, missing his silly daily texts and his sense of humour ( similar to mine), missing the heart leaps I got when I heard from him. This guy really really got under my skin.

I've literally have to sit on my hands not to contact him.

Help me sit on these hands please.

Phone him up - tell him you're sorry - you were being stupid and you've made a mistake. Ask him out to the movies or dinner.

He can only say no.

Did you meet him on an online dating site?

just text him and say you miss his funny texts or something

how did you meet him online though? was it a dating site?

Yes dating site.

But he basically turned me down didn't he ?

He said he didn't want a relationship at the moment ( despite how great I was apparently)

I said to him: Why were you even on a dating website? He claimed he'd let his subscription run out. But he's back on there now

Well why shouldnt' he be? He is single after all?

Phone him, speak to him.. tell him how you feel... hope he feels he same... have fun...

Do you believe he's only after you now cos you went out with someone else?
What if it genuinely just took him a while to realise he liked youin a non-platonic way?
I'm inclined to agree with sassysusan - but if your gut feeling is that you'd get messed around then keep sitting on your hands, you can do it, you've done the hardest part and you can keep going.

I don't really understand people who join dating sites but say they don't want a relationship.

Reading your post littlestmummy what I am hearing is that you feel that this man has messed you around and will continue to mess you around. Therefore despite missing him you are sitting on your hands. I hope I understood that correctly. If I didn't then yes contact him. If I did understand correctly then stay strong and don't initiate contact. If your instincts are that you shouldn't trust him follow those instincts.

Remain on your hands and trust your instincts. He enjoys your company but isn't looking for a relationship. I would read that as he enjoys your company but doesn't want a relationship with you - a friendship maybe but not a relationship. The other part of it could well be 'I don't want you but I don't want anyone else to have you.' He's jevenille and is playing games and wants it on his terms.

Hope that doesn't sound harsh - it's not meant to. You would always be wondering with him.

Karmann- yes you are right.

And also there IS only one way of reading it.. I want a relationship but not with you.

I think I became like a pseudo girlfriend.. someone he could text when he felt happy/ sad/ to have a laugh with. But when I said I wanted more he said no.

It's just I had trouble believing him and hoped he'd come round. But then have to remind myself of He Just Not That Into You school of thought. :(

Why do men spend so much time texting and being in contact with someone they don't want to be with though?

I meant juvenille of course!

It's almost like a stop gap until he finds the one he does want a relationship with and, as you know, you deserve better.

Who knows what they think - I have given up trying to work it out! Not very pleased with men at the moment - can you tell?!!

Have you ever asked, or has he ever given you a reason outright why he didn't want a relationship, not over ex, frightened of getting hurt etc....he clearly liked you, you do not spend time doing jobs if you don't...and he clearly fancied you.

Possibly he just a great reflector, and thought he had time to have a good think about it and then when you did meet someone else that has spurred him into action.

I would say, send him a 'fishing text', if you feel a connection and are missing him, then chances are that he will to...and see what happens from there...but after the text let him do the running on this and take it at his pace, preferably slowly.

Good Luck x

I would say go for it. I told someone I wasn't ready for a relationship because i wasn't but now I am and they aren't around. It's better to try and fail than never know