Have I been totally selfish?

[pomelo]

DH and I are not getting on especially well, havedn´t for ages due to many complex issues, mainly mine I have to point out.

Anyway we were due to have four days away with his family mainly to celebrate MIL´s birthday - this was orgnised by SIL.

We have just had a terrible 3 days of rows and bad feeling and I decided I just couldn´t face going away, putting a fake smile on my face etc, etc. We decided he should still go taking eldest DS with him. I have stayed at home with youngest DS.

I received a really curt text message from other SIL this morning saying how much her mother would be upset, how she doesn´t deserve this and how I should think about my actions - the tone was far from pleasant.

I called MIL and told her that I wouldn´t be coming and why, which is something I really didn´t want to tell her...anyway now I feel like shit

Have I been totally selfish?

I think as you've explained to your MIL why you are not going, it makes your actions understandable. Your SIL will no doubt hear about the conversation you have had and will draw her own conclusions.

Is joining them for one night possible, perhaps the birthday itself?

No. stop beating yourself up!

SIL should have phoned you to ask if everything was ok rather than send a snippy text.

try not to focus on what other people think.

Thanks for your replies - needed to get some other views on this

blinks - that is one of my problems and I know I shouldn´t do it.

lilac21 - it would be too far for one night and I don´t have a car

Thanks again

It's a shame for ds2 to miss out though
and will probably put a downer on the weekend for the others
do you think you and dh will get your relationship back in track?

Pomelo, you have done nothing wrong.

If SIL attempts to interfere again, let her know the matter has been dealt with between those that it concerns!

You said 'we' decided, Was a joint decision between you and DH?

No, you haven't been totally selfish - four days for a birthday is a long time to have to put a brave face on it! Agree with other posters - none of SIL's business but if she felt she had to say something, she should have asked if everything was ok and asked why weren't you there.

You're having a hard time - be kind to yourself. The rest of the family should be thinking of your point of view and not just themselves. It sounds as if a few days' respite are just what you need.

Thanks again kind ladies

compo - yes I did think it was a shame for DS2 to miss out and that´s still playing on my mind...hopefully there will be other opportunities in the future...not sure about our relationship at this moment in time...

amelem - it was more me saying to DH that I thought it for the best that he went and took DS2 so that he wouldn´t miss out and he agreed

Coco - yes four days for a birthday is a long time to put a brave face on things when inside I am feeling more than lousy, isn´t it. If it had just been a day thing then it would have been different.

commeuneimage - I/we definitely do need the respite!

I don't think you have been in any way selfish, you have considered the feelings of all involved. Your SIL comments were unfair-make sure you delete the message. I hope that you have a nice few days with your DS.

I think you are too deep and analysing everything. That is probably why you from time to time you do not get on with your DH. Have you discussed this with someone?