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Original poster

Anyone else got a young MIL?

12 replies

bluejeans · 13/08/2010 23:28

MIL was 16, nearly 17 when I was born. So technically she's old enough to be my mother (she could legally adopt me Hmm.....) She is also 10 years younger than my mum and very definitely a different generation.

I think this may be one of the reasons we're not close. My SIL (her daughter) is 10 years younger than me - she was a young teenager when DH and I first met, yet MIL treats us the same.

I reckon there must be others in this situation, and probably many with smaller age gaps. So I was wondering how this affects your relationship.

OP posts:
ragged · 14/08/2010 08:34

My dad's mom is only 15 years older than my mom, so my mom was in your situation. My brothers are older than two of my dad's siblings.
TBH, I never perceived that it mattered to my mother or my grandmother. But teenage pregnancy was more normal back then, plenty of people had young mothers-in-law.

LC200 · 14/08/2010 09:04

My ILs are quite a lot younger than my parents (they had dh in their v early twenties whereas my parents were mid 30s when I was born.) I get on brilliantly with them and always have. I think it's got a lot more to do with different personalities than with age.

historygirls · 14/08/2010 09:10

My MIL is 18 years older than me and 15 years younger than my mum. I married her PFB so she had teenagers when DH and I first got together. I don't think its caused any problems and we are very close.

What do you mean by your MIL treats you the same as her dd? My MIL treats us all the same (or at least equally) which I see as a possitive thing. Do you think she treats you like a child? It may be nothing to do with her age.

Original poster
bluejeans · 14/08/2010 09:56

Thanks for the replies! I guess it probably is more to do with personality than I thought!

historygirls - yes MIL treats me like a child - one example that sticks in my mind is when DH and I first moved in together, I remember MIL saying 'I'll need to show you how to cook rice!' doesn't sound a big deal but I was 23 and had lived in flats for 5 years FGS- it made my realise she saw me as a child, not an independent woman!

Also SIL and I had DCs at the same time, so SIL was a young mum and needed a lot of support/advice from MIL. I didn't but got it anyway!

Even now (SIL is 31!) MIL likes to oversee all aspects of her life and would like to do the same with me - I'm guessing this is mostly to do wth her having a controlling personality and maybe SIL is the one with the problem (not that she sees it that way)

OP posts:
trefusis · 14/08/2010 10:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

pagwatch · 14/08/2010 10:15

My mil is only 12 years older than me.
When Dh and i married I was 27 and she was 39.

She is however pretty neurotic and DH has never had a good relationship with her. Her tellinghim that his arrival ruined her life probably didn't help that.

Dh stopped talking to her and his dad for about 8 years. I have been trying to get them in contact again all that time and now they have a very cautious beginnings of a relationship.
Now I tend to think that she was young when she had him, very insecure and that was not really a good combo for dealing with a apparently confident 25 years old swanning in and whisking away her 18 year old son.

I wish we could start again now we are both a bit wiser and a bit kinder. But i think her relationship with DH was more of a problem that our age difference was

Original poster
bluejeans · 14/08/2010 10:54

Wow Pagwatch. Good that your DH is back in touch wth his mum

It's occurred to me that I'm now the age MIL was when I first met her - hard to get my head round that really!

OP posts:
LibertyGibbet · 14/08/2010 10:59

I too married a PFB and dh's youngest sibling was 10 when we met. MIL is much younger than my parents.

I adore her. She is a wonderful woman. But that's personality, not age.

It's nice. We go shopping, chat on the phone, watch the same programmes, go out for lunch together etc. She's a good friend.

lilac21 · 14/08/2010 11:21

My MIL was 23 years older than my mum, and my ex was 10 years older than me. I got on better with his mother than I did with him, although I am glad she died before we split up, it would have broken her heart.

pagwatch · 15/08/2010 10:49

bluejeans
Grin
it is a shock when you reach the same age isn't it? Same with my mum.

NomDePlume · 15/08/2010 11:01

Because of our age gap (DH is 13.5yrs older than me) my Mum is only 10 yrs older than DH, so DH has a young MIL. They are close and get on brilliantly.

4andnotout · 15/08/2010 11:10

My mil is the same age as my grandparents but as dp is 18 years older than me he is the same age as my dad and 2 years younger than my mum so he gets on well with his inlaws!

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