Upset at how mean people can be.

[poshsinglemum]

Sorry to winge but...

I get upset at how mean people can be sometimes. My mum was mean to me when I was growing up as she was ill with bipolar and even now some of my friends can be quite mean.
One girl who was supposed to be a friend was so spiteful to me on my birthday as she didn't like the fact that I fancy her brother. She did it on purpose to hurt me when she could have told me to back off at another time.
Then there's the small matter of how dd's dad treated em when I was pregnant.
I just tell myself that when people are mean it's more about them than me.
I would like to meet some new non-mean people but am beginning to feel that most people have a nasty steak. I'm a bit down at the moment so mabe that's why I'm seeing the worst in people.
Not that I'm perfect either.

You will find that as a society we have all become more mean and selfish.
There are some nice ones out there though...just take some finding.

Some examples of mean comments;

''My husband and I were joking about I was almost a spinster too.''- My landlady
''It's just wierd''- another friend on my pregnancy with my boyfriend as we had only been together for 8 months. (Think she was jealous as I'd got pregnant before her)
''You must be shitting yourself. How on earth do you think you can look after a child if you can't control a class.''- my ex flatmate on my pregnancy (also jealous I suspect)

Uggggggrrr. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I could go on but won't bore you or depress myself.

I''m always taken aback when people say such things and can't always think of a sharp enough comment to say back.

I might just stick with ''how rude!''

You seem to have been unfortunate enough to have surrounded yourself with 'toxic' people.
Get away from them, they will only drag you down because it makes them feel better about their own lives, and because they can.
Try to surround yourself with close family who will actually care about your feelings.

Maybe you have gravitated towards these people because of your childhood experiences? (Please excuse the pop psychology, have just started counselling!)

Hi poshsinglemum. I think the trouble is that it's the really awful things people say that have the most impact on us, so it only needs a couple of people to say something dumb and it can really get you down. Most people are decent and kind most of the time but we kind of take it for granted.
You're obviously a really nice gentle person and maybe people sense that and say things to you that they would never dare say to anyone more likely to tell them to get stuffed.

Exactly, corlan. OP...you need to toughen up if you want to stay in touch with these people.
On the other hand, like me, you could just think stuff them and cease all contact...they will only drag you down, like they are doing right now.

my boss on my birthday
45 isn't it? noooo
oh well, middle aged anyway
we got you a cake .. you can put your own candles on

People who tend towards meanness know a potential victim (outlet for their issues) when they see one.

What is it that gives some people the impression they are allowed to be so demeaning towards you?

Expect people to explain themselves if they snipe at you. A simple, rightful (and assertive!) "Why did you say that?" can work wonders.

...or, like ninah, laugh it off! Don't let every thoughtless arse cut you to the core.

I sometimes feel that I got rid of every toxic person in my life I would be mateless.
That's why I hang on; because I don't want to be lonely.

Agree, I would just ask them why they have said what they did. Then I would say that you don't find comments like that funny and you don't appreciate them.

If seeing these "friends" drags you down, then maybe you need to look elsewhere for more supportive people?