no idea how I feel about this, dread one minute, excitement the next.

[doesthismakemeshallow]

It seems one of my male friends has fallen for me, he is dropping no ends of hints, sent flowers anonoumously etc (sp?).

But, I have never loked at him that way before, so was freaked out at first, but for the first time in my life I think I am being swept off my feet.

Now I know this makes me incredibly shallow but the few things holding me back are...............

He is a mug, he lets people walk all over him in the false hope that they will be good mates, I like a man that gains peoples respect, by being helfull ect but does'nt allow themselves to be a door mat.

He's not good with money, he has been bankrupt and still getting into debt.

He's not got the looks I would normaly like

And even more shallow.......

He sits with his legs crossed.

Sorry I know its awful but I am just being honest

He does however have alot of good points, probably too many to list.

He is'nt in huge debt, and he does'nt spend money he has'nt got, his debnt is things like rent and council tax, he only earns minimum wage, and supports his ds financially, so thats probably a big factor to why he is in debt.

to be honest you have already mentioned some pretty big points of concern and you dont even know all about him yet, sorry to be rather stern, but he sounds nice but weak, easily led, hopless with money so that would end up being your problem as well,and if you dont even find him good looking, i dont think it would last, i would set him straight pretty soon, and just stay friends, he is probably wooing you with money he hasnt even got and shouldnt be spending, sorry.

He is in debt with things like rent and ct? That's worse than being in consumer debt.

He obviously has not learnt to budget and not learnt his lesson.

Hmmmmmm pay rent and council tax, or send flowers he chooses the latter, not a catch.

you couldn't be any less into him, really could you?

Forget it. Seriously. You are mistaking interest for flattery.

he was going to marry his ds mum, but found out she was cheating on him, that was about6 years ago, then he was with some insane jealous woman, who got him into debt in the first place {because hes a mug} oredered him to have the snip because she had 4 dc and didnt want more (he did, because he's a mug) she then trashed his DSs mums car because he dared to speak to her, so that ended.

Then he was with an equally insane woman, who caused him no end of grief.

So, not many.

Poor bloke, best you don't mess him about then.

I would'nt mess him about, I have not returned any of his comliments or given him any false leads, at least I dont think I have. But I cant tell him yes or no unless he comes out with it, as he has'nt actually told me he likes me, he has just made it obvious with the flirting.

You could just carry on being friends, but drop hints that you are not interested.

Better to go with a 'no' when he asks if you are not sure. It is easierto change your mind the other way one day, if you feel so inclined.

Why are you friends with him? You've told us what you don't like but there must be a reason why you are mates. Does he make you laugh? Is he really kind and considerate? Is he a good shoulder to cry on? Good at making curry?

I've got some experience of this.

I had a very good male friend, we met through our kids who are the same age, he was divorced 10 years and had a couple of relationships but nothing major.

Over a period of several years, we hung out together a lot, I would stay at his sometimes - sleeping in the spare bed, and he'd stay here and sleep in the spare bed. Not a hint of anything, ever, just good friends.

He was a wonderful father to his kids (they didn't live with him but he saw them all the time) and was great with mine. We got on well, had a laugh but sometimes I'd catch him looking at me in a sort of 'fancying' way, and buy me little gifts and stuff ... but I just didn't fancy him so I tried to ignore it. Like you, there were things about him that annoyed me a bit but I told myself his good qualities more than made up for it. I'd been out with some right arseholes after I'd split up with my kids' dad (who was also an arsehole), and I used to look at this guy and think 'I wish I fancied him, he's such a good bloke and he really was. Heart of Gold and he too had been treated dreadfully by his ex wife who'd had an affair and done allsorts to him.

Our contact as mates was him coming over to mine or me going over there, a bite to eat, a bottle of wine and a chinwag, and stuff with the kids. Then one night we went out together (as friends) for a meal and then to a dance afterwards, and had such a good time, I starting thinking 'yeah maybe this could work'. Long story short, got pissed up one night and before I knew it we were snogging and whathaveyou.

We ended up as a couple and it was a frigging disaster from start to finish. Lasted a couple of years but it was hard going and all the time I knew I'd made a big mistake - we'd both made a mistake, because I was no more right for him than he was for me. Those annoying habits of his seemed to magnify, and we inevitably split up and now don't have any contact at all. The only thing that came out of it was that I lost a really good mate. Just because someone's a good bloke, doesn't mean he's the right bloke.

Bankrupt with psycho exes - run, Forrest, run!

Fontella said it: "Just because someone's a good bloke, doesn't mean he's the right bloke."

It's a pity his exes were all so horrible, but that shows HIS radar is out of whack ... I mean, he's not that great at reading people's true intentions so probably hasn't grasped that you love him as a friend but not in "that way". Thank goodness your radar's okay, or we'd be looking at another disaster in the making!

If you want to "rescue" him, encourage him to find a counsellor or join a Relate group. But don't compromise your own feelings for the sake of it.