Massive dilema - Leaving DP or staying here?

[SickofEverything]

DP and I are splitting up but I have to remain living with him until I find a house. Thing is, a house has just come up but now I'm stuck in a huge dilema. Do I stay or do I go?

The house is only two bedroomed and I have 2 children who do NOT get on and would hate to share a room. One of things I was looking forward to moving for was the kids having their own room which will not happen in this house. It also backs onto a huge cemetary which is reknown for trouble, people getting mugged, people hiding out, even a few cases of rape. It's also miles away from my son's primary school so I'd either have to take him on bus every morning or move him to a different school (of which there is one at the end of the street). If I move now, I'll also have to give up my access course as I can't study full time and claim housing benefit. Which is such a shame as it ends next June anyway.

But on the positive, I'd be away from DP, I'd be free and single again, the kids would be more relaxed and the rent is cheap (I'd actually be better off finantially than I am now!) and it's close to DS1's secondary school.

My head is telling me to wait until after June though when the college course ends and to hold out for a 3 bedroomed. I'm not in any danger here and we are still talking. What would you do?

i'd not risk the area tbh if it's as bad as you say. and would sit tight for as long as it was feasable to do so.

I've got an apointment to view it at 1pm.

The area isn't bad, its just the cemetary ...

I would not move to that house

Because of the cemetary of because of the other reasons?

DON'T give up your access course. That is your ticket to a new life where you get to pick and choose where you live!

Can you and ex sit down and have a sensible chat about you staying until June? Would you be able to rub along ok until then?

Or talk to college and switch to the part time course.

Do talk to your college, FE colleges try very hard to help people get through these courses.

I've emailed them, will there be anyone there now?

Lists:

Against:
2 bedroomed - 2 children who would hate to share a room.

Cemetary: trouble, muggings, people hiding out, even rape.

School: miles away from son's primary school

Study: Giving up access course as I can't study full time and claim housing benefit.

For:
Free from DP,
rent is cheap
close to DS1's secondary school.

RESULT:
Wait it out, getting away from your abysmal DP should not ensure you pay THAT much of a cost on everything else.

You have until June, get it in your head that nothing and no-one will interfere with that course, as it's the one thing that will help you improve your life long term.

Draw up a list:
3 bedrooms
convenient to both schools,
Good area
Reasonable rent
(none of that is extravagant btw....)

Don't compromise unless it's on one point and really REALLY worth it.

Your course is your passport to greater earnings, your future will improve, but there is no need to give up on everything just to get away from one person.

Come rant on here, but don't sabotage your own future, it'd be another thing that HE has done to you.

Is your split amicable enough that he would consider moving out until you find a place that is better for the children to move to? So you can split up properly and move on, but the children only have to move once?

Ok thanks for the advice, I have decided to stick it out until June. I'm having to be very dishonest about it though as ex wants me to "try my hardest" to find somewhere to live and I'm stringing him along making out that I'm desperately trying when in reality, I have no intention of looking into anything until at least the end of next May (which will give me time to finish my access course before applying for JSA and Housing benefit.

PLUS, by June I will have saved up more money, paid off all of my debt, gained annual interest on some money in the bank (due April) and DS1 will have settled into his new secondary school.

I CANNOT and WILL NOT give up on my access course. It is the ticket to EVERYTHING. My entire future and that of my kids depends on it. What's the point in giving that up for the sake of staying here for 8/9 months?

I just have to pretend to him that I'm looking and stall it for 9 months. It will be stressful carrying on that kind of lie but needs must.

I didn't realise you'd started a second thread after this one.

Some slightly different info in it. The house location sounds substantially worse than on your first thread (I'm not accusing you of AIBU by stealth I should add!) but I still think you need to balance what might be best for the kids in the short term with your longer term future. By the time you have gone through uni your kids won't be dependent on you for too many years in any case.

Is there no compromise or is a 3 bedroomed house in a better area just too expensive?

Can i just point out that if you have enough money in the bank for the annual interest to be worth waiting for, it is possible that you will not be entitled to any benefits or reduced benefits. Sorry if i should just mind my own

No the cut off point for savings is £6k I think, I don't even have half that lol, I'm just being tight and want the little bit of interest that I'm due if I move now I'll have to draw all the savings out and I'll miss out on the interest.

I have spoken to the ex about the dynamics in the house and we have agreed that until I move out, we parent seperately. That way I can make sure my own kids do not miss out on anything. Therefore, favouritism shouldn't be an issue for the next few months.

I have been told by the estate agent that a 3 bedroomed will come up in the area I want, it's just a case of waiting for it and their rent tend to be very reasonable.

Ah ok, sorry! Was just very aware at how piddly the interest rate was and how little you might get, but of course every little is very important when starting up on your own.
Apologies and good luck!

Thats ok! I wish I did have enough to mean I didn't need to rely on benefits though! :D

You see, one huge dream/goal of mine is to one day have a job which meant I never had to rely on benefits again. Then I can live wherever I want, get a decent car that doesn't need constant repairs, study whatever I want to study - and my access course is the key to all that.

The alternative - going on JSA, being forced to apply for jobs I'll either hate or have no chance of getting, being stuck for years "looking for a job" - then best case scenario, eventually finding a minimum wage job meaning I'm not much better off than I am now, still needing benefits to "top it up", still restricted on where we can live and then when the kids leave home, all the benefits stop and I'm stuck living to work with no money for anything other than bills and food. God it's my worst fear, honestly The thought of it makes me depressed.

If this is a council house, turn it down with your reasons. You might be surprised at what else you're offered. Also, I turned down a (privately let but HB-compatible) large flat in a good location just because it 'felt wrong'. Everybody thought I was mad and I tended to agree! But, the very next week, the agent showed me this place which is just as cheap but I LOVE it :)

Hold out for better - good luck!

You can do your access course and work a part time job.

This maybe a silly question but why isnt your ex the one to move out??!! That way you and kids can stay where you are!