Hoping someone can help give an unbiased view on my DH's behaviour. It is really long and rather revolting, sorry. Here goes:
Several years ago after the birth of our first child my DH was planning to go on a boys only trip to Budapest. In all innocence one day, honestly not checking on him in any way, I was on the computer and was going to google something beginning with 'b' can't remember what when 'budapest escorts' came up. I was very upset and confronted DH about it. He said it was for his best friend (let's call him C) who was also going on the trip. I said in that case, I was going to contact C's wife to let her know what I had found out. He then changed his story and said no, it was for himself but he was only looking and swore that he had never or would never actually do anything. I accepted this and he went on the trip although I was not happy about it, as you can imagine. I would like to add that DH had previously told me that one of C's friends had actually slept with a prostitute but I can't remember now if he was going to be on the trip.
Then, when I was pregnant with DC2, DH and C were planning a nightout in the UK. One evening I went with DH somewhere and we stopped on the way as he needed to do something. His mobile was in the car and it beeped to show he had received a text. As I was bored, and a bit cross with DH, as he was taking his time, I picked up the phone and saw that the message was from C. At that point I was not actively snooping in a suspicious way, just in a casual nosey way. The message said something like that he was looking forward to their nightout and he had put out a request for a one to one and would wait to see what happened. I told DH that I had read his text and he cancelled the trip. He said that he was so sorry and he knew he should never have gone along with C's crazy plan.
Earlier this year I decided to open a yahoo email account as I wanted to join the local freecycle group. On the login page another email address came up which was obviously for an account DH had opened. At this point I confess that I started actively spying on DH. I know that he is not creative with his passwords and soon managed to access his inbox but it turned out just to have something about airmiles in. I was relieved and felt rubbish for suspecting him. A few weeks passed, and I'm afraid that I checked the account again. I found an email about membership of a porn site which also encouraged people to contact each other. I knew that DH looked at porn on the internet but was shocked to think that he might be contacting other women. At that point I sent him an email to his yahoo account saying that he had been rumbled and threatened him with couples counselling. I later looked at the site again and convinced myself that he was probably just looking at porn and accessed his yahoo account and deleted the email I had sent him.
I was away just recently and on my return DH was acting strange with me. I asked if we were OK and said yes he was just tired and fed up with having to drive to pick me up from the airport. The next morning I snooped in his email inbox again and found a message from Adultfriendfinder.com saying they had found a sexymatch for him and a further one saying there were four hotties in his area. In the spam box there was a message regarding membership to a swinging website. I rang him at work and said that I had made an unpleasant discovery and that he shouldn't bother coming home that evening as I couldn't bear to see him. He said he was coming home immediately and I took the DCs to my mum's so they wouldn't be around to hear. He told me that he has been looking at websites with prostitutes on but he has never been to a prostitute nor would he ever do so. It turned him on thinking about it although he felt revolted with himself afterwards. He brought up the adultfriendfinder thing without me actually saying what I had discovered it and said that he had already deleted his details from the site. It's a few days since then and the emails are still arriving so I'm not sure that that is true. He says that he is stressed and unhappy and was lonely while I was away and he did these things in the heat of the moment but was disgusted with himself. He offered to show me his bank and credit card records and said he would have himself checked at a STD clinic if I wanted. He said he didn't mind doing these things as he knew he had nothing to hide. I agreed to try to sort things out and he is going to the GP tomorrow to see if he can get some help with his compulsion to do these things and if not that perhaps GP can help with the stress and insomnia which he also has. I have also asked him to find out about if GP can recommend a couples counsellor.
I'm feeling really sad and troubled by all this. I know I shouldn't spy on my DH but he did make me suspicious and I was right to be suspicious. Since having had all this out with DH I have been thinking more about the cancelled trip with his mate C and the 'one to one' that C was trying to arrange. Was DH in on that? What were they intending to do? I don't know whether to ask DH about this or wait and see what the counselling reveals. Also, should I contact C's wife and let her know or let her continue in blissful ignorance. I have been thinking just to keep quiet but I'm not sure. What would you do?