Deaf Mother

[tom57]

We are going to stay with my Mother this weekend,who to put it bluntly is as deaf as a post-not unreasonably at 76.

As you can tell from that statement I don't find the situation easy,she refuses to accept the fact and if I try to discuss it only says it is only brought on by stress,and she has no problems when I'm not there

She has the Television set to maxium volume and a deaf telephone so I really think this is not the case.

She is very defensive around the issue and when I have brought it up in the past it is dismissed,I have told her I worry it is affecting her relationships with people especially with DD,I have offered to pay for a hearing test and very discrete hearing aid,which was rebuffed.

It is sad to watch her vaguely agree with DD 11 when she is talking as she cannot hear but won,t admit it.

I don,t think there is much I can do to alter the situation so any tips for getting through the weekend.
I end up so impatient with her and thats unplesant for everyone

If the deafness has come on gradually then it's possible that she really hasn't noticed.

My dh used to tell me that I should get my hearing checked but I honestly didn't realise that there was a problem. The television didn't sound loud to me at all, and if I couldn't hear what people were saying then they were obviously mumbling. Somewhere along the way I'd subconsciously started lipreading too so could often follow conversations.

For visits I would go for options that reduce stress for everyone. if she's concentrating on watching the television (it's a bugger to follow some programmes if you can only make out one word in ten) avoid starting conversations while it's on. Ideally I would try to introduce her to the world of subtitles. They're a distraction to start with but a lifesaver once you get used to them.

Remind dd to make sure she's facing your mother when speaking to her so that there's more chance of her being able to follow the conversation.

Make sure you've got your mother's attention before you ask/tell her anything. There's nothing more frustrating than asking the same question five times and not getting an answer, or having to say "But I told you that ten minutes ago!" and having an argument about it.

If you go out together, suggest somewhere that's relatively quiet so that the background noise is minimal.

Convincing her that she has a problem will be difficult (as you know). Does she have any friends who might be able to persuade her to see her GP? The private testing places are obviously far quicker than an NHS referral but can also seem quite intimidating. She may also think that they would tell her she had poor hearing even if she didn't, just so that she/you would buy their products.

Thanks for that coppertop.

Great tip Re getting Mums attention BEFORE starting to talk-def guilty of that,which gives rise to frustration.Sounds obvious but I just did'nt think.Ditto background noise when out-thats one to watch.

I don't think friends would dare to raise the issue with her-she can be quite intimidating.But I do have my sister on the case who is v tactful...

Feel slightly better equipped to deal with the weekend.But feel almost angry at her refusal to help herself and therefore by default DD,DH and I.

Touching her arm and waiting till she reacts may help you make sure she is attending before you start to speak btw.

I tend to take photo albums for older deaf relatives, they know the names so they can talk. You don't need her to hear your agreement so much.

Oh am taking photos and for the first time a slide projector to view her slides so that sounds promising.

Def guilty of walking and talking-another thing to remember.This is great,very proactive, I'll be so busy modifying my behaviour far less time to be impatient.

Your answers are very much appreciated.Thank you.