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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

how to go forward from here

6 replies

BigWoof · 11/08/2010 16:22

my Dh and I have been together for 20 years and have 3 primary school aged children together.

I am the main breadwinner but this is due to working nights (up to 6 a week). It means that I am around during the day for the children which is when my DH works.

The downside is that I am always very tired and that my sex drive is non existant.

Every once in a while, my DH gets cross due to the lack of bedroom activity and we end up arguing.

Last night was one of those occasions and although I totally understand where he is coming from, I need to sleep on my nights off work especially since the children are on holiday and i can't sleep during the day.

He said that he can't live like this anymore and wants to leave. When i asked him hy he wanted to leave he said "because I hate you so much". now i know it was said in temper and he has since apologised for saying it (he says he only said it to get a reaction) and when he said it i replied "great, you storm out in a huff, crash the car and kill yourself and that's the last thing you've said to me. Nice".

At that point i went upstairs crying.

He came up and apologised.

Everytime i look at him, i can hear those words in my head.... how do i get passed that?

I truly think that children should have both parents bringing them up which is why I am still here

OP posts:
IfYoureHappyAndYouKnowIt · 11/08/2010 21:53

So do you want to be with him and make things better?

brightandcheery · 12/08/2010 21:13

Maybe he means he hates THE SITUATION?
xx

poshsinglemum · 12/08/2010 21:50

Any chance someone could have the kids for a few nights so you two can kick start things? Sounds like you seriously need a break or romantic getaway.

ZinglebertBembledank · 12/08/2010 21:52

when do you sleep? Shock

maristella · 12/08/2010 21:54

actually if you're working most nights and caring for your children i think you need a break! how often do you get a good 8 hour sleep? i doubt it's often.
and if you're constantly exhausted your libido is not likely to be sky high.
what does your dh do to take the pressure off you?

loves2walk · 12/08/2010 21:59

of course you can get past this - but you need time to sleep and then time to be together. Your working life sounds really tough - do you get days off together?

Can you try and take some time together to just be a couple or a family?

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