Hello 
,
I am a fairly long-time lurker and could really do with some female advice, especially as I think I really am boring my friends to death, (not that I want to bore you guys either).
Will try not to waffle too much 
From 2002 to last Summer, I was in a long-term relationship which I ended due to being taken for granted, partner (let's call him Mr A) not being responsible and generally feeling that my life really was not being enriched in anyway by the relationship and was being held back. I lost a lot of money, career and travel opportunities but had hung on for the fact that I loved him and was sure it would all work out and not have been for nothing.
But, it was almost like I was his mother and while we loved each other very much and had a lot of fun together and affection for each other, something had to give. We broke up and he was devastated. He begged for another chance but I just felt so drained from the relationship that I just couldn't do it - my respect for him had drained away.
Then.....I met someone new, a really lovely guy in many ways (Mr B) and most significantly (I now realise) his plus points were the exact points that the ex had as minuses (new boy was sensible, responsible, intellectual). (I don't mean to make this sound mathematical but I have thought about this for so long it's hard not to). And Mr B's negatives happened to be the Mr A's plus points (Mr A was very anti-social, which he put down to partly having an anxiety issue but refused to seek help with, and also admitted he was fairly selfish and didn't have a lot of interest in meeting my friends, family etc. completely different interests.
Anyway, after the honeymoon period with Mr B was over, I started to really miss Mr A. I am fairly sure this was normal as we had been together for so long but it got to the stage where I couldn't continue with Mr B as I just did not feel the connection I had with Mr A and I was really worried I was with him for the wrong reasons. Although I enjoyed sex with him, I wasn't even sure if I was attracted to him.
In the meantime, because of our financial situation, I had to maintain some contact with Mr A throughout the new relationship. Mr B was fully aware of this but I don't think he appreciated that going through a break-up after so long was hard for me (he was fairly naive and inexperienced in relationships and couldn't see why I would feel sentimental when he was such a better choice on paper.
So, I ended things with Mr B after really feeling that my heart wasn't in it and being honest that I wasn't over Mr A. He was heartbroken as we had, at this point been together for almost a year and he had made it clear that he intended to marry me.
So, three months down the line, I should be happy. I am surely where I wanted to be? Both men apparently were not the right person for me, I have plenty of friends, a loving family and feel reasonably confident in myself. So why can I not stop thinking about Mr B. He is in my dreams every night, I think about him constantly all day and imagine we're still together. I feel sick thinking about him being with anyone else and yet the whole time we were together, I felt that he adored me and I was just fond of him.
My friends tell me that many people feel like this when they've hurt someone, particularly when it's been more complicated than hoped and that I'm just craving the security that Mr B provided and forgetting all of the reasons I wasn't completely happy with him. I realise this sounds horribly pathetic and I am almost 30 (could this be a factor?) but I suppose I just want to talk and to hear other people's experiences of initiating break-ups
My friends have also said that I should not contact Mr B as it will be unfair to him and I will more than likely break his heart again later (that is if he would even want me back). I have stuck to that so far, and I suppose I need to know how much my feelings now are based upon sentimentality and guilt or a genuine epiphany. The break-up wasn't pretty and perhaps I feel a sense of unresolved issue, plus I know I REALLY broke his heart for no real tangible reason that he can see.
What I don't want to do is contact him unless I'm sure of my feelings - how do I get to that stage?? I must add, I am a softie and I think that probably makes me far more indecisive than I need to be at this stage.
I am terrified that I have finally fallen in love with him and left it far too late 
Sorry it's so long, I just cannot condense!