relationship with my sister is over

[kentDee]

My sister is 37 and im 32. We were once pretty close and did normal sisterly things together.
I then fell in love with a lovely man and moved away, got married and had a family. I still kept in touch with her and often met up. She has always had relationships, but never settled down seriously. As the months passed she started bitching to my mother about how I never visit and only think about myself etc. I began to make a real effort with her and invited her for lunch, dinner etc more often because I think she just missed me being local to her.

Well the bitchiness, snide comments and hurtful text messages she keeps sending me about how much of a selfish person I am because of my "perfect little life" her words, not mine, are still happening.

My husband dislikes like because of how she treats me and he has seen all the messages she has sent through too. Its taking its toll on me now and I have had enough. She has already told me she hates me in a text. What can I do?

she's upset that you have everything she wants, and she's making herself feel 'better' by making you feel bad. She doesn't seem to have the emotional intelligence to realise that she won't climb any higher by tearing you down.

Not sure what you can do ... she's family and underneath it all she probably loves you.

Maybe just ask her outright what she thinks you should be doing ... put the onus on her to say what it is about you that she wants you to change. It might make her realise how unreasonable she's being,

Sounds like you have done enough TBH.

I would just back off and let her get on with it. It sounds like she is jealous of you and nothing you can do will change that really.

I would not say anything to your mum either. Just get on with your life and hopefully she will realise what she is missing.

This is what I dont understand.....why be jealous? She doesnt ever want to get married or have kids. Her choice. So why give me such a hard time because we want different things from life.

it sounds to me like she very much DOES want the things you have, even if she claims the opposite.
i guess she is maybe seeing what she wants played out right in front of her and it hurts?

i would maybe write to her and ask what it is you have done to deserve such vitriol from her though
tell her how you feel... that you'd love to have a good relationship with her and that you feel you have done a lot to try and attain that. and that you're leaving the ball in her court..

Does your mother shit stir?

I'd be cutting all ties tbh but then I speak from someone who's had enough of family rubbish.

My mum is upset that her daughters dont get on, certainly doesnt stir up trouble. Im just sick and tired of taking all her crap to be honest. Im too old and have am seriously thinking of washing my hands of her. She is making me so stressed and im constantly in tears over the messages.

Oh that's good that your mother doesnt take sides.

I wouldn't respond to any contact from her for a while, to ease off on the stress for you and then revaluate your relationship to see if you want to keep contact open.

Just had a thought, but, would it be possible your sister is upset/angry/jealous because:
a)you have a family and she may secretly want one,

b)having your family means you don't spend as much time with your sister (this is the part which may hurt if you spent lots of time together before).

Alternatively, you could try, a few times, to talk to her about her texts. If she refuses to talk, then ignore her and get on with your life. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to walk away from family (just your sister in this case).

All the best.

Isn't this just a smug married kind of thing? It can be really difficult watching someone have the life you want for yourself. You're younger than her, too, which must make it easier. She may say she doesn't want a family, but she's at an age where she's losing her options, and that must be incredibly difficult to face.

Given that you and she did once have a good relationship, I think I'd arrange to meet her one-to-one to try to sort things out. I know she's making you unhappy, but she sounds very unhappy herself.

Do you visit her?

She's jealous. Give her a chance but let her know that the snide comments are unacceptable and hurtful. Mabe she needs encouragemnet to get out there and meet new people.