I just dont know if i should believe him or not.

[iamsad]

There is this man, whom i had been seeing for a while, but for a few reasons it just sorted of stopped happening. We still talked but i was hurting him, and he was hurting me, so a few weeks ago i broke all contact with him. By that point we hadnt seen each other for about 8 weeks and were only talking every 10 days or so.

I killed me to block all avenues of contact, but i felt i had to. To leave him to his life and for me to get on with mine. Last week, at 2 weeks no contact i was going insane. I just missed him so much, it actually hurt. It had been an awful week and i just wanted to talk to him. But refrained. ( though i had got rid of all avenues of contact, i could have emailed his work, or through facebook or something).
Anyway, sat am came and a letter arrived on my doorstep. From Him.

Basically - he misses me. Cant be with me, but cant be without me. Doesnt even like me, but adores me. Wants to see me etc. etc.

He left his number, i text him, he called and then followed a very lenghty heart to heart talk.

About me being terrified and keeping him at arms lenght. I dont talk about feelings at all. How he then assumes i dont care, then backs off, so i back off even more thinking he doesnt care... and its just so silly.

How hes terrified of being hurt, and finds it really hard to committ... but how he loves me, just finds it hard to admitt it.

He wants to see me again, and i agreeded, but not for a few weeks. I need to try and process some of this stuff.

He said he had been seeing somone else, because i had told him i was. ( he said i really relly really upset him with that. and he realised there was
no hope.... but while hes with her, he spends the whole time thinking about me.

and that he was so hurt when i just disappeared off the face of the planet, that its stupid to admitt that, and how he cant explain it, but thats how it is, and that it bugs him, beacase he cant control how he feels

So:

I dont know if maybe that relationship has ended... and he just needs an ego boost.

if he just needed to know if i still cared or not

if he wanted to know if he still had ' power' over me, ifswim.

or if he actually means it.

Im very untrusting, i know i have trust issues. I find it hard to believe that it could be true and am more likely to believe there is an ulterious motive somewhere.

BUT - i told him i was seeing someone then just disappeared. If i meant nothing to him, then surely he would have just let me go. For him, who is terrified of getting hurt, to put himself outhere... maybe that does mean something?

I just need some opions. i cant make an sense of it myself and just dont know what to do.

Tbh it sounds like way too much effort this early on and I would walk away before you are tied to him.

Some people are made to make each other happy and others are not.

Sorry.

I was seeing him for about 10 months before...

So almost a year.

Is that still early on?

He makes me happy. He makes me more than happy.

No no no. The man's a twat.

He "doesn't even like you"? And that's okay to say to someone as long as you follow it up with oh, I just find it hard to commit, is it?

And this other woman. You've been split for two weeks and he's seeing someone else, and he's still seeing her while trying to get you back. Or he's making her up to try and get you jealous. Neither of those make him sound like a good guy, frankly.

But by the time you broke up you were only seeing each other every 10 days or so...sweetie, this sounds like a bad dynamic all round, really. You're both using "this is just the way I am/I'm terrified of getting hurt" to excuse poor behaviour, frankly. You keep him at arm's length, he keeps you at arm's length, you told him you were seeing someone else when you weren't, he's doing the same.

Don't get involved in this, it's not going to smooth itself out.

Less than a year is fairly early on imo.

This relationship sounds like it takes up a lot of energy and time, a rollercoaster, you are probably missing the highs of it but that doesn't mean it's worth carrying on. Yes relationships take work but not this much work! It sounds very draining and you could be using the time and energy for something a lot more constructive.

listen to tortoise.

last year I spent 6 months with a guy like this - and he messed my head up so much. This man child is messing with your head big time. it's an ego boost for him.

honestly it will end in tears. walk away now and don't look back.

Thought so.
Head of course agrees.
heart wants to believe him

But i know it doesnt make sense.

I was seeing someone else though - still am. Of course it doesnt compare in the slightest and i still think about him all the time.

But

I just could not be arsed with all this drama

let him go and find someone less needy

and have a little think about why he was ever attractive to you in the first place....

He doesn't even like you - just keep repeating that one fact. Why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't even like you?

All that 'oh I can't live without you' bollocks is just that, bollocks. Life doesn't need to be a rollercoaster in order to be wonderful, in fact I would say it needs to be as little like a rollercoaster as possible.

what attracted me: hes everything i want, just nothing i need.

Which i supose is why its so damn hard.But he says the same about me too. He says im the best thing in the world, but also the worse. I cant be angry about him saying that, because its exacally the same for me.

Also - the whole,' i dont even like you thing, but i do loads'. No, of course its not ok. But i know what he means. i feel the same. he drives me nuts. Hes so wrong for me, but i adore him.

oh give over

you are addicted to the drama of it all

get a hobby or summat

Im not. I totally walked away and have been getting on with my life.

he just wont leave me alone and i dont understand why.

Thats why there is a small bit of me that does believe him. Most of me doesnt and i think its insane and stupid and really rather pathetic. But a bit of me just thinks, why would he do that... if there was nothing in it.

don't listen to that little bit of you

don't try to "understand"

some people are just twats, and that is that

I don't really get this at all.

To me if you like/love someone then you do.

If you don't - you don't.

Keep it simple I say. Otherwise it's too much effort and navel gazing and not nearly enough fun.

Have you ever seen that film, "he's just not that into you"? I live my life like that now. If he really liked you, the minute you said "I'm seeing someone else" he should have said "well actually I'm not cool with that as I'm not happy sharing you". Him finding someone else in an attempt to make you jealous/get back at you, is well... rather pathetic really.

And if you really liked him (and not the drama of being with him) then you wouldn't be seeing someone else would you?

Even if there is something in it, do you really want to carry on like this? You've given almost a year of your life and your at this point with the relationship. Is it really worth it on he off chance that there might be something in it?

*the

whichever, it sounds a very high maintenance relationship and he is very changeable. Do either of you have kids to consider?

Oh for Christ's sake you sound about 15.

Hang on....

Are you both seeing someone else??

You need therapy. You need to understand why you keep focusing on this non-starter of a relationship instead of getting on with your life.

The reason he keeps coming back, is because you're probably the only poor sap who's willing to listen to this tedious twaddle time after time.

i feel sorry for the nice guy you are with, when you are lusting after a complete bastard who blatantly tells you he doesn't like you

you sound about 15.

if you have children, you don't need to model these piss poor relationships to them

bin off the bastard, and treat the nice guy with some respect, by either committing to being with him or leaving him so he can find somoene who will be faithful, emotionally at least