Just stopping doing stuff like washing clothes.

[mostlyaslattern]

Ok. I have name changed because DH knows my user name and I love him to bits but want to get stuff off my chest.

Basically I am a bit of a slattern as is my DH, certainly compared to a lot of people I know. I don't clean and tidy every day and prefer to have a big clean up at the weekends. However I do seem to be the only one doing washing, hanging washing out, putting clothes away, cleaning the bathroom, changing the bedding - that kind of thing - while DH sits about relaxing. I also cook 5 times out of 7. He washes up the dishes but quite often I end up doing them as he leaves them so long.

We both work full time and have a baby on the way (our first) which is going to mean a lot of change. Up to now I have been fairly happy to do all the general clothes washing stuff though in recent months I have stopped doing his ironing as I barely do any for myself and found myself on most sundays preparing a full sunday dinner and then ironing his stuff while it was cooking and somewhere along the line I thought 'WTF am I doing?' and decided to leave him to it. He now irons a shirt for himself in the morning so has proven that he will do it if I stop. All his other clothes make it from the floor to the washing machine to the line and into his drawers without him lifting a finger - I do all that - WTF for I don't know.

I have recently been trying to talk to my DH about how all this stuff (clothes washing, cooking etc) will still need to be done when I have a very small baby and will be breastfeeding or sleeping all the time. I don't think he understands that I am asking him to please pull his finger out even when I say outright 'please pull your finger out' and to start to pepare himself for this change. He suggested I write a kind of wife swap manual for him to use when the baby is here, I am more keen for him to just start doing his share now!

So.... would it be wrong of me to just stop doing all the stuff I do so that he runs out of shirts/t-shirts, trousers, socks, pants etc? Do I really even need to ask? I am a sucker aren't I, but it's just become part of my routine and at the moment I don't resent it, though I know I will when the baby is here.

The thing is I don't think I could live with all the stuff building up, despite being such a Slattern, plus I would feel pretty mean picking things of his out of the washing basket and not putting them in with my stuff. Maybe I should tell him I am going to do it first?

Mostly... Don't just list the housey stuff he does, list everything he does! It might be that he does 10% of the house stuff but (for eample) 90% of the car, bills, financial-planning and driving stuff.

Also - the washing thing. I have to factor in... opicking up washing from all over the house, sorting it into different washes, hanging it on the line, bringing it in from the line (or if it's raining putting it on the clothes-horse, folding it all up and then putting it away. That takes a lot of time up during the weekend and my DH spends a lot of this time doing stuff he likes doing like arseing about

We have a very small 2 bedroom house which really isn't that hard to 'run' but I would like it to be more equal, specially oncy the baby is here.

honestly - we don't have that kind of set up. We run our own cars, deal with our own finances (Separate bank accounts) all bills go out of my account and he pays me half as he moved into my house. Obviously when I am only being paid SMP we will have to re-jig trhe finances but everything is done on direct debit.

This is really JUST about the housework. I am not unhappy about the other areas of our lives. I am just fed up with doing his laundry and being the only person who cleans.

The long and short of it is that mostly men can't think for themselves. You need to make a list of things he can do otherwise you'll be waiting a lifetime and getting irate in the process! My Mum has been trying to train my Dad for over 40 years and hasn't managed yet . So learning from her experience I do lists. Good luck.

pagwatch speaks sense here.
I have never done DH's laundry, ironing etc. unless I need to make up a load or he asks if I could. Similar for when he does it, if I ask him to wash some stuff he will, but otherwise we do our own. I do DD's as am SAHM so it's fairer.
DH takes out the bins, cooks tea once a week, cleans the birdcages and occasionally hoovers. We agreed when I stopped work that this is how we woudl share it out so neither of us felt hard done by while he works 6 days a week and I am in the house.

If you can at all afford it (and your DH may embrace this idea with enthusiasm if he is anything like mine ) get a cleaner. Once a week your house will look lovely, beds changed, ironing done. Bliss.

as he moved into your house, maybe he's never felt it's his entirely? Or he might feel that it's your place, your furniture and he is loath to do something wrong. That is a genuine reason for lots of men to avoid joint laundry loads ( as well as idleness obviously!).

Either way a chat may put things straight.

I just know I am going to get slated for saying this but...why don't you divide certain duties up?
Forget you washing your stuff and him washing his, as that just seems petty.
You do laundry and ironing, he does hoovering and making beds.
You do cooking, he washes pots.
You do food shopping, he puts petrol in car, fills tyres, washes it.
When baby arrives, you take turns in bathing, and feeding...unless BF of course.
Just try to find areas where you both feel happy to take over and share as equally as possible.