unresolved issues that can never be resolved - should we try?

[YouCantTeuchThis]

Bit of a sleepless night turning a lot of things over in my head that I haven't had to think about in a long time.

In summary, there was a LOT of family (DH's!) troubles - things were said and done which felt unforgiveable at the time - but somehow, slowly we have moved on and are getting towards a place that feels more 'normal', albeit tense at times.

Small, petty matter yesterday ending up with one family member really upset, and wanting to address the 'unresolved' issues'...I just don't know whether they can ever be resolved!

I feel that everything stemmed from one person being in a seriously fucked-up place, and I have to trust that that person would no longer make the same decisions, say the same things, etc.

Are we right to just move on or do we really need to go over all that shit again?

Somtimes I think that the only way to resolve stuff is actually to move on, let things heal a bit and give everyone involved the chance to prove themselves again by their behaviour iyswim.

thanks for replying - my thoughts exactly but you articulate it perfectly!

I worry that I/DH could resolve things with SIL, but then would really struggle to have any relationship with MIL again IYSWIM... then SIL would still be angry with us...

...vicious circle.

So this isn't about resolving issues between you and your husband, but rather the extended family all wanting to sort everything out together?

And your SIL and MIL are still not talking, so anything you two do would be seen as taking sides? Is that right?

Sorry Tortoise, it really was a bit vague!

In short, MIL is/was alcoholic and the breakdown of DH & I relationship with her caused SIL to take her side. Unfortunately, there had already been a lot of stirring on MIL's part so that was always going to happen.

We slowly rebuilding relationship with MIL, despite the fact that she has damaged our relationship with SIL. SIL wants to go over her unresolved issues with us, but in doing that it would remind us of how very evil MIL can be and would scupper our relationship again!

You see?!