Hi to anyone that can be bothered to read this drivel! Just wanted to let off steam really ? thought maybe writing it all down might help - it's a bit long though!
Background: August 2005: Got together (5 yrs today!), September 2001: Proposed, I said yes, November 2001: Moved in with his Mum & Dad to save money) Turned out to be disastrous and things started to deteriorate (put it down to living circumstances), June 2002: Moved in with my niece whilst searching for house we could afford (this was ok), December 2002: Married - things continued to deteriorate still put it down to living circumstances), March 2003: Got pregnant - somehow(not planned!), August 2003: Bought our house and moved in - Relationship not improved but put it down to hormones (mine!), January 2004: Light of my life born (dd) - Relationship in turmoil! March 2005: Massive argument and he left ? came back the next day and we talked, May 2005: Started Relate counselling ? interesting, June 2005: My dad died (my hero!) things deteriorated a bit.
Basically, as you can see we haven?t made things easy for ourselves and I think this is what has made our relationship suffer. When we first met, we had this wonderful, passionate relationship and I just can?t imagine it now. We did everything in the wrong order and the wrong way but I hoped that once we moved into the house that things would really sort themselves out (naïve). All we seem to do is bicker and argue. He has a really aggressive way of speaking (just like his mother) which I hate with a vengeance (I was brought up in a very gentle atmosphere). Sex is a million miles from my mind and we haven?t done it since about new year (ish), much to his disgust. I just can?t ? he doesn?t repel me or anything and when he?s not around I sometimes think about it(with him), but then when it comes down to I just have no interest whatsoever. I also hate being poked and proded when doing washing up or similar.
We started counselling and have found that in general we do communicate much better ? it made him realise just how bad I was feeling ? but he still thinks it?s all me and that he has done nothing wrong, even though he now thinks a bit more before speaking (mostly). We finished our straightforward conselling a couple of weeks ago and start our ?psycho sexual counselling? (whatever that is) tonight. I have no idea what to expect!
I do want us to stay together if we can but just don?t know if it?s possible.
Anyone else feel like this? Would love to hear anyone elses opinion!