Had first counselling session and now feeling very anxious - is this normal?

[malinkey]

Quick background, am in the process of separating from emotionally abusive H. We are still living together as need to sell our flat and am finding it rather stressful, even though he is being really nice at the moment. We have DS who is 2. I have been in rubbish relationships previously too.

I realised I need to go to counselling to try and sort out my issues with self-esteem etc and had first session this week. I liked the counsellor and I think it was a productive session but ever since I have been extremely anxious and finding it difficult to relax. My mind keeps racing, I feel on the brink of tears on and off and I'm having trouble sleeping. Is this a normal reaction? Is it a case of having to feel worse before you get better?

I was doing ok before the counselling in that I felt really strong and positive about the future but now I'm a bit of a wobbly mess and just want to go and hide in a dark room!

She did ask me some questions that I found difficult to answer and/or made me really think about things in a different way. I don't know whether I should think of this as progress or maybe I should go and see a doctor? What do you think?

Counselling makes you confront stuff. It can be scary because you had previously been dealing by denying or ignoring or deluding yourself.

This is painful but will help you. Try and work out exactly what is making you anxious. You will feel better - this doesn't last

Thank you. I'm not sure exactly what it is that is making me feel anxious but maybe I've had my way of dealing with things for the last 41 years and it's scary to think that it might not be the best way of doing things. I'm very good at deluding myself!

It won't last malinkey - (this feeling)

I spent 21 yrs in a relationship and deluded myself about a lot of stuff. Facing up to it, was like going through it all, all over again with the added wisdom of my age making me say to myself 'WHAT WERE you thinking!' which made me feel worse about myself -a mix of regret and disgust

You come out the other side

it's normal and a good sign that you aren't keeping stuff in. Keep going.

Good to know it's normal! Beginning to feel like I'm going crackers.

Victoria, I think a lot of the time I'm very hard on myself and my head is always full of negative self-talk. In a way, beginning to address some of my stuff is making me feel even more negative about myself. Not sure that's good but as long as I will come out the other side then it will be ok!

I recently felt like this after a Relate session (I went for 2 sessions on my own before we went together).

After the first one I felt really low and negative for a couple of days. I think it just gave me a lot to think about.

Hope things improve for you

Malinkey, your way of dealing things up until now may have been to ignore / bury your feelings. You could carry on in the same way and it might be more comfortable for you, but it wouldn't really take you forward.

You are doing the right thing, both getting out of your abusive relationship, and in getting counselling. It is so good that you feel the first session was productive. But confronting your stuff is unsettling, so please be very kind to yourself, be gentle on your self and take things easily. You will get through.

I've been through counselling, and I don't think that feeing worse about yourself is a great sign after the first session? What sort of counselling are you having? If you were strong and confident about the future before doesn't mean that you were necessarily denying anything, it might just mean that you're a strong positive person.

Unless you've got serious childhood abuse issues that you are repressing, CBT is a good therapy for formulating positive thoughts, and rethinking irrational thoughts and behaviour. I'd recommend it if that's not what you're already having.

My counsellor does a mixture of stuff - CBT and more in-depth stuff. I'm only going for 6 sessions as it's free and will probably pay for more sessions elsewhere when it's finished.

I don't think the counsellor is unprofessional or the wrong type or anything - we only had a discussion about where I'm at and why I want counselling. But I managed to talk about a lot of stuff - probably because I've only got 6 sessions and want to do as much as possible! And maybe it hit me how much crap I've put up with and carried around with me all these years. And that makes me feel a bit rubbish and a bit of a mug TBH. Maybe that's where it stems from - I'm not sure. I'm really not very good at recognising or understanding my feelings as most of my life has been concerned with other people's so it's very hard to be certain.

I'm going to try and take it easy and see if things settle down in the next few days.

I'm sure it will be great! I do remember having a good cry at my first session (also because I felt like such a mug!), but afterwards I think I just felt relieved rather than anxious.

Sounds like your counsellor knows their stuff so sure things will get better as you go through your sessions

Good luck with it!

Yep, it means it's working. Props to your counsellor and, most of all, to you for letting it in. Your mind starts figuring stuff out for itself - counselling's supposed to give your mind a few clues on what to figure out - and it's really good to be feeling after just one session :)

You'll probably find you have complicated dreams. Another thing: you might start finding the media & internet are full of issues that have resonance for you. This isn't some Celestial Weird Shit, it's just that you've unconsciously started keeping an eye open for things that might help you :) My advice to to go with the flow on that, even if you don't consciously see the relevance. It's interesting to wander round a bookshop now and again, too - the same instinct draws you 'mysteriously' to books that may prove helpful.

It's a fascinating process, though hard at times. Enjoy!

< really good to be feeling it after just one session >

Sorry for slow response, not been near my computer today. Thanks for your messages - thankfully am actually feeling a lot more 'normal' today. Will look out for the dreams and media references Grace!