My dh picks his nose

[DeathamdTaxes]

And eats it.

In front of me, pretty much.

How the fuck am I supposed to able to have sex with someone who does that, does it IN FRONT of me, sooo disgusting...

Our marriage is in trouble, for a myriad of reasons...but this ONE thing could be the straw that broke the camel's back!

After 11 years of marriage I know that you are supposed to love them warts and all, but this, I mean really?? Must I accept this???

Picks his nose and eats it. Ok, could be worse.

I recently when to counselling on my own.. It can be a good sounding block.

ItsGrace - I plan to go on my own first this time, for a few sessions and then maybe have some sessions between us, and see how that goes. In our previous sessions, (we had the same lady the last two groups of sessions) my dh says stuff which basically, (in my opinion anyway) is not true.

So for eg. he would say that he is a very sociable person (not mentioning that he has abused alcohol badly in the past) and that he daren't even ask me to go out anywhere with him anymore because I have become really insular and am bound to refuse to go.

To put this in context, we have 5 young kids and my dh would be happy to go out 3 times a week if I had the energy, which I dont. So I am happy to go out twice or 3 times in a month, and then the odd big "do" from time to time, black tie or whatever for his work. I think with 5 kids that is doing pretty well, its exhausting keeping up withhim.

But he portrays that to the counsellor as someone who is not fun anymore, who never wants to go anywhere with him, and who wont make the effort to accomodate his needs on that front. I naturally denied this at the time, because it was as close to lies as I'd ever heard, but the counsellor chose to believe it wa true, or partly true and suggested to me that I needed to try and accomodate him more on this front.

This is just one example, there were loads like this.

BigHairy- Yes, how depressing. That is exactly how my dh makes me feel a lot of the time, that he just doesnt even like me, let alone love me.

Barf.

Bleurghh. i'm dry retching just reading this. how you can put up with it, I don't know. GET RID!

Your counsellor must have been a bit rubbish, if she couldn't put lack of social activity together with 5 DCs and indentify the problem!
How did you address that? Were you already so worn down that you felt you didn't feel you had the right to raise issues on your own terms?

I'm very pleased you're going to get some counselling on your own. Largely because I think it might help you see your H for the selfish oaf he is, I admit! Your confidence has understandably been quite badly eroded. Even a wimp of a counsellor should be able to help you rebuild your self-worth; I wish you all possible good speed with that :)

I feel your pain - mine does that and also scratches his head and eats what's under his nails, soooo disgusting. And like you we are on the rocks anyway but these things do play a massive part in the trouble, can't snog someone if you think there might be a bogey in there can you?!

Grimness. Mine didn't wash or clean his teeth for days.

One day I shouted "Fingers OUT of noses" at my DD (3) in passing while she was having a good rummage and saw Ex whip his finger out too (of own nose obv.). In hindsight I should have ended things a lot sooner

my MIL always has a bit of gunk in the very corner of her eyes, (too much makeup and contact lens) so she itches her eyes and draws the gunk out then puts her finger tip (with gunk on ) to her lip and covertly tries to eat it, i seem to be the only one who for 17 years has noticed this, if i mention it to my H he thinks i am making it up, but i know what i see!!

ItsGrace - That is why I found it so frustrating. He woould say this sort of stuff, I would say but that is not true, we went out on this night, that night, i could list several things we had done in the previous two months, and then the counsellor wqould just day something very generic and non specific such as "Well, the thing is in marriage, problems develop when people have different needs, and these needs are not being met, and it is good if both parties can make some accomodation to each other.." and I would be thinking, well yeah..obviously I cannot disagree with that as a general rule, but in this instance I do not think it applies, cos I make a huge effort to go out to every catfight that my dh has to attend, and yet get no thanks for it!

So I just felt frustrated at the whole thing, and my dh came out of it, delighted, because no one told him that he was being a selfish arse.

SusieD - Oh my God, have never heard of a woman doing anything so disgusting!

Oh God. Susie that's vile. I've got to step away from this thread.

One of my team members always has gunk in her left eye when she comes to speak to me. I have pointed it out a couple of times but it always seems top come back. And this lady likes to look one in the eye when she is making her point so I am starting to look a bit evasive I guess.

Mine surreptitiously squeezes his earlobe where he had it pierced as a teenager - the hole has evidently not completely healed up and so still produces 'stuff' when squeezed. Then he puts his fingers casually to his nose to smell it, thinking I don't notice. God I'm retching as I even type this.

poshwellies your tale is also truly bloody disgusting.

OP sorry if this is making light of your situation - it is obviously more serious. And your counsellor sounds like she's not seeing the full picture. Are you completely honest in the sessions?

I can't stand it when people get that white pastey saliva/gunk around their lips that goes all stringy when they talk, and you can hear it, making clacky sloppy noises. I don't understand why people are not aware of these things.

Or furry teeth. why do people leave the house with furry teeth?

Its ok Bialystock I could do with the laugh anyway!

I feel I was being totally honest, but at times I got so upset and annoyed at the way I was being portrayed that I found it hard to get my words out, literally like they were stuck in my throat like a big hard lump.

But I did give my side clearly enough, albeit through tears.

The thing is at the very start of the counselling the counsellor stated very clearly that we were not here to blame anyone or find fault with anyone, just to find a way forward.

I remember thinking, well, if neither of us is found to be at fault, or lacking in any way, how can we really learn or move forward in any meaningful way? We didnt and we havent.

Bialystock you are maiing me do that to my disused teenage earholes now. In my defence, I am alone. And yes, it does stink.

the same can be said of a deep-clean belly button rummage.

Hmm difficult. I can see how frustrating it must be for you. I hope your dh actually realise how seriously crap you are feeling though. And if he really doesn't care, then it does sound like crisis point

Good luck, wish you all the best whatever happens.

Thanks for those kind words

I used to catch my dp doing it I just yelled stop it ffs wash your hands gross