Activity advice for elderly grumpy OAP (my Dad) if poss

[amigababy]

Does anyone have any suggestions to make my 76 yo dad's life more enjoyable?
He lives alone in a tiny but comfortable bed-sit. He is anti-social, grumpy and fairly lazy, his favourite phrase is can't be bothered. he does not like old people (!) He is a lttle overweight and takes no exercise. I live an hour away so can't just pop round. Recently he has become more frail and he shuffles - he is walking less and less, his leg muscles are probably wasting away from inactivity. He is probably depressed from being isolated though I doubt he would thank me if I suggested it.
can anyone come up with ideas to stop him declining further.
On the plus side, he is intelligent, can email and internet and can drive, and he has enough money, though not rich.
It is tricky as he embodies the phrase, you can lead a horse to water but......

thanks for any suggestions (or directions to oter websites that could help)

i'm suggesting this alot lately!!

www.geocaching.com

An allotment?

my dad is same age....he's a dance teacher now,he's ex professional so went in to teaching....so i'd say ballroom dancing!!

he can have a drink and chat up some ladies too....

Does he have a pet? Any chance he might like one? One of my friends recently had a problem like this with her newly-divorced mum who got really very down about herself and wouldn't find new activities or friends. However, when she got a rescue dog, she was getting out and about more and this generally lifted her mood and the rest sort of followed. She's now a lot more sociable and has a new life that she's building on.

Sorry I can't be of more help, that's all I can think of. Good luck .

Could you get him a cleaner? So he has someone to talk to every now and then. That will slowly remind him that human company is not such a bad thing

Also take him out instead of popping round - any local sights you can see? My 80 something year old great uncle used to go out a lot (bless him, he's passed away now), things like local plays, museums etc.

What did he do in his working life? He could volunteer to work for a charity or something which doesn't require much travel or socialising e.g. book keeping etc.

Get him to sign up at the local library and go along to get things for him to do at home. It gets him out of the house at least.

Any local book clubs?

He could join mumsnet too

Sorry- sheltered housing - no pets aloud.
He goes out when the cleaner comes!Can't walk well enough to move much.
And he was a self-employed washing machine repair man with a very "unstructured" career path (read lazy arse)

I'm going to drag him to the library to check it out - it has a café I believe, so that's not bad, and local. And I found a 60+ exercise class at the very local shiny new sports centre which I'm going to nag him till he tries.

thank you,all

oops- -forgot to mention he is really really deaf

My father is 72 and not really that social, he lacks confidence and doesn't like doing things by himself.

However, what gets him out and about in the village is things like he is chairman of the village council, so this has monthly meeting and he has his regular weekly pint at the local pub. He has a small dog too, needing daily walks.

He also plays golf twice a week, and practices maybe one other day, he gardens a fair amount, he loves books, the newspapers and SuDoku puzzles and the best thing of all (newly installed) Sky Sports. He seems really happy watching endless cricket.

He is also deaf and getting worse - he had a hearing aid fitted 2 years ago, but the time when he will need to watch TV with headphones (to save my ears as I live next door) isn't that far off TBH.

I've also tried to get him involved in regular swimming sessions, the local horticultural society, local rambler group, cooking and adopting my cats, none of which have met with any success yet.

Good luck

Amiga - get the pointy stick out and get him to sort out hearing aids. It is a lonely life on the sidelines for an old guy if you can't pick up what the hell people are saying. And point out to him all the other elderly blokes wearing their hearing aids so he doesn't feel conspicuous.
MAny guys of that age worked without ear protectors in noisy environments and trashed their hearing, he is not alone.

Anything like this near you ?

the shed idea looks great, not near him though. It's set me looking though and found
www.timewitnesses - all about the war/memories, which he was quite affected by

and U3A in York where he lives, they might have all sorts that he could at least look at both online and in person.

Not going to suggest too much at 1st, it'll overwhelm him, drip feeding is better

People don't suddenly turn into sweet little old ladies and gents just because they get older. They often turn into crotchety old gits with a chip on their shoulder. Trust me, I have a fair bit of experience of the older generation!

Your Dad is now very set in his ways. If he prefers his own company then don't try to force him out into the community. If you hated doing something, would you really appreciate someone going on and on how you should be doing it and how much better it would make you feel, etc, etc? I think probably not! Accept him for who he is and how he wants to live his life. It may not be your idea of fun but you need to go with the flow a bit. Give him the leaflets and information next time you visit and leave it at that. If you stop going on at him he may surprise you!

Are you sure that it is just an activity that he needs and that there is nothing physically or medically wrong with him?

For example, my Mum has Parkinson's. The most noticeabe thing was her shuffling. Also strongly associated with depression and fatigue (can't be bothered-ness).

Not trying to do an internet diagnosis here, but just wondering if a trip to the gp would be a good idea.

speckleddeggy

I wouldn't try and organise him, except he rings me and says how bored and fed up he is, and doesn't know what to do with himself

he's definitely a crotchety old git, and not good at being sociable

I had mine put down when his hair got grey. I mean what's the point after that happens? And 51 was a good age (in 1900).

my exFIL turned into drinking in his old age...
and many fathers of my friends too

let's hope your dad won't

does he not like wearing hearing aid?

If I get to 76 i'm on the opium/smack.

he wears the hearing aid but I think he's forgotten how to listen, he really struggles even with it in.

He's never been very sociable, (does like a drink!) and now he gets really annoyed with the TV too

thnk Victor Meldrew crossed with Jim Royle

I would worry about his drink first of all, as it may set off other health problems.

does he by any chance suffer from diabetes or gout?

Lol @ coolfonz. Dh and I think that class A's should be legal and free for the over 60s. It would solve the pension crisis and the ageing population problem and they might be less grumpy.

No diabetes or gout, heavy smoker, and worships atthe altar of Tesco's - goes at least once a day
most recent shopping trip included
beer-sherry-boubon Hmmmmm..... I think there was food too, he's not a bad cook

he's on statins/aspirin etc and went to physio last week about the shuffling, they said he was fine and just to do some on the spot marching at home

Oh dear he sounds like my Grandad (died 8 years ago). He was so set in his ways, so stubborn and anti-social. It drove us all mad because he refused to participate in anything, sad really :(

I think you must be my sister as this is my dad exactly. Only difference is my dad doesn't go out hardly ever, doesn't bother cooking, tells me he doesn't like me, is really quite nasty at times and expects me to be his entertainment, taxi etc..

Oh and he's 78.

If I/he could find something he wanted to try, get involved in then he would feel happier and not want to pick fights so much.

Sorry, that was a bit grim. Can you tell what I've been thinking about tis evening?

ECSBM - does your dad internet?

Though mine doesn't use it to its full potential, it has been a godsend. And he plays poker on it for 2 cents a go :)

Going to try and get him into football forums as I don't think he'd quite grasp mumsnet. God knows wehat he'd think about being discussed on it!

Really sad.

Depression is really common amongst older men. I think they often lose their way a bit when they retire. My Dad died last year. He didn't do a lot but did have the internet and did go to Tesco every day!

Involvement in the community certainly helps but they don't seem to want to help themselves for some reason. Could you try Age UK for advice (used to be Help the Aged/Age Concern)?