ARGH!! want out but am kinda stuck = priorities???

[ForestryTrees]

I just want to vent!

I am currently living with my partner, my kids and his child. we live in a tiny 3 bedroomed house and none of the kids get on. Even my two don't get on but have to share a bedroom. DS1 and DSD HATE each other and the tension and atmosphere is horrific. Whenever they argue or fight, DP butts in and jumps to his DDs defense - provoking me to jump to DS's defense = argument between me and DP.

90% of our arguments are to do with the kids but the relationship is shit too. DP never listens to me, constantly moans that I'm un-tidy etc, only shows affection when he wants sex, he's selfish, petty, ignorent -

Basically I just want OUT asap. He knows this and the atmosphere here is so shit that he agrees with me moving out but he wants to keep the relationship going afterwards. I have my doubts that this will work.

But anyway my head is so messed up right now because despite DESPERATELY wanting to move out, I have been told that if I do, I'll have to quit my access course or I'll get no jobseekers allowance/housing benefit. Without the access course, I have NO FUTURE. It will finish next June and part of me just wants to stick it out here until I finish that - but it's 9 months away!!! Can I stay here for 9 months or will it finish me off???

What would you do? move out and enjoy the nirvana of single living again - albiet with no future prospects or stay here for 9 months, get this access course under my belt and THEN bugger off???

I would finish the course

If you can stand to live there then finish the course.

Would it be possible to live separately within the same house iyswim. You take care of yourself and your kids and leave him to take care of himself and his daughter.

See another thing, if I stay here until June I'll be able to save up quite a bit of money for when I do leave - giving me and the kids a bit of financial security too.

well id stay then,if you have a chance to save......but make sure you're out alot!!

have you posted about this before?

Forestry, a cool head is needed now more than ever.

You know it makes sense to stay put for the next 9m, and to focus on the end goal.

You can not give up the access course, if you are leaving you will need the enhanced career prospects it will bring you.

If you leave you will need the money, as much as you can save so that you are not in total shit street.

You are going to have to take your DC to one side and tell them to behave, not to fight with each other and DSD, cos it makes life for you all so much harder. Ask them for their help, say that you are going to solve all of this, but you can't do it without them, and you need their help. Tell them it'll all be worth it in the end.

Tell them to walk away from DSD if she starts anything.

Oh and tbh, say whatever you have to to DP, but you know that continuing a relationship won't work, he just wants to secure his sex supply.

Come back and post whenever you need to vent or are struggling to see why you are putting yourself through this. We'll get you through this!!

This is part of the next step in your life, but once you are through it, there will be no going back to this dreadful situation.

Stay strong, keep your mind on the prize and don't let anyone stand in your way.

Whose house is it?

How old are your DC's? Can you explain your position with the access course and ask them to help you get through the next 10 months?