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Original poster

Lasting, committed relationships through Internet dating

38 replies

Telulah · 04/08/2010 16:21

Hello,

I've been dating for three years (on and off) via internet dating sites, and have not yet met anyone who I've been able to form a long lasting relationship with. I've met plenty of married men (one who I was in a relationship with for 8 months before I found out that his long suffering partner had bought him a house where he could 'entertain' women as she was fed up with his affairs and just wanted it out of her sight). Another was an alcoholic who definitely wasn't in recovery, or men who are trying desparately to date to get over the woman they've still wanted to be with but couldn't...or just not my cup of tea. I have met the odd man who I have really liked who has seemed lovely but I've not been their cup of tea (!)

I am an optimist at heart and I do believe that I will meet someone wonderful. I don't want someone wealthy; he doesn't have to be super looking, or do any particular job, but I do insist that he be kind, caring and able to string two sentences together. I was married to a fantastic man who died 10 years ago who I was with for 10 years so I know that there are nice men out there...

However, I would feel much more optimistic if I knew there were real women out there who are also single parents who have met a man they have really clicked with, AND have been able to sustain a long term relationship with (without them revealing they have a wife/boyfriend/string of convictions etc.)

Thanks very much.

OP posts:
macdoodle · 04/08/2010 16:36

My wonderful friend is married to a wonderful man, she met through internet dating!
She had a rpevious record for picking real twats, so this one is a revelation!
He really is lovely and they are very happy, their wedding was a marvellous day, 3 years on now

She however wasnt a single parent, she has no children, she met her gorgeous DH a bit too late He does however have 3 children who adore her!

Whenever I go and visit, it gives me a warm, hopeful feeling

maduggar · 04/08/2010 16:38

I married my "internet love" 3 months ago We met 5 years ago, he has taken on my 2 DDs and we have a DS of our own too. He is truly wonderful.

LisaD1 · 04/08/2010 16:38

I am married to a fantastic man (and we have DC) that I met online. We've been together for nearly 7 years and couldn't be happier.

Met a few tossers before that though! Every girl has to have her share of frogs!

Angelcat666 · 04/08/2010 16:39

I can't help I'm afraid as I've only been internet dating since the beginning of the year but will watch this with interest. I have to admit the first few months I was more re-active than pro-active iyswim and I too seemed to 'attract' men who weren't my type and not get much response from those who I was 'attracted' to.

There have been a few threads about internet dating on this board recently and I've taken some advice, as well as being more pro-active, such as, so long as he meets a couple of my criteria, meeting up even if I think nothing will come of it, because you never know.

Maybe we should start up a thread dedicated to internet dating where people can put advice/tips, including Shiney's(?) wonderful A-Z , plus their experience's past and present.

glasscompletelybroken · 04/08/2010 16:52

I met my DH through internet dating 4 years ago and we have been married nearly three years. It was definately succressful for us and I was very lucky as only met 1 other person before meeting DH so didn't have to kiss a lot of frogs before I met my prince!

June10 · 04/08/2010 16:57

I think internet dating is practical & nothing to be ashamed of. I've done it & although may not have found true love have made some really great 'true friends' for life.

londonmackem · 04/08/2010 17:20

Been married 2 years, together 7 with a DS - met on dating direct. Best friend also married to match.com patner. Third friend still dating speed dating wine tasting boyfriend.

mumof2point5 · 04/08/2010 19:12

met DH through internet dating

met 8 years ago - married for nearly 5 now

no tips as such, but before i met him a wrote a list of about 20 things i was looking for - think it helped focus my mind and not attract twunts.

he got 19/20 - i settled on this

mole1 · 04/08/2010 19:15

Met dh online 4 years, been married 2 months! He is fab and didn't bat an eyelid at dd2 who has severe SN. So, there are some good men online, you just have to be lucky!

megsophandemma · 04/08/2010 19:18

Will watch this with interest as I am in the same boat

Been single for three years and tried internet dating a fair few times, but who will want to take on a single mum of three? God knows.

maduggar · 04/08/2010 19:22

I was a single mum of 2, and my DH was very happy to take us on

BertieBasset · 04/08/2010 19:28

I wasn't a single mum but met my DH on Match and we've been together 5 years, married 2 with 11 mo dd.

I internet dated on and off for a couple of years.

Met some complete nutters, some geeks, some nice guys who didn't like me, some commitment phobes and some serial shaggers.

Had a great laugh though. I went on tons of dates (I appreciate far more difficult if single parent) had 3 relationships from it, including dh, and met the love of my life.

He happened to live around the corner and one of his best mates was the husband of a work colleague. Small world and all that.

DH has always said that he expected to meet someone with kids or divorced as he was in his mid 30's at the time, and that it wouldn't have bothered him. I think that if a man subscribes to "love me love my kids" as indeed he should, you can see it as a good filter to get rid of the selfish knobs.

Lots and lots of luck, just enjoy yourself and look at it as a bit of fun in the first instance

Angelcat666 · 04/08/2010 20:16

megsophandemma the right man for you will be honoured to be a part of your family

Original poster
Telulah · 04/08/2010 20:34

Wow,

I'm new to Mumsnet and didn't expect such a wonderful response. Thank you!!

It's really heartening to know that people have truly met their "soulmates"...

What do people think is the best Internet dating site? A hard question to answer I know as I assume the only think you can do is choose the site you met your DH (Is that darling husband?) So far, I have tried Love & Friends (a free site) and Guardian Soulmates.

Thanks so much for any other responses. It's so much appreciated.

megsophandemma, it's hard isn't it? But thanks for your nice comment - I do hope so. I only have one child but because my husband is dead, and my family are in Canada there is no time (apart from the school day) and occasional babysitters when I don't have her. No alternative weekends by myself, or anything like that. And that has scared quite a few of the men off...

OP posts:
rosieposey · 04/08/2010 20:35

I was a single mum in my mid 30's with three DD's when i met my DH online. I had used internet dating for a couple of years before that and came across a few frogs too. Suffice to say there really are some amazing men out there who might not be able to meet in the traditional 'in the pub' way and use the internet as a dating resource.

Dont give up, i really do believe that mr right is out there - i have never been happier and last year our DS was born, my cup runneth over and all that

BigBadMummy · 04/08/2010 20:38

Met my DH online, though not technically a dating site.

He has no DCs of his own but took on my three, has supported me through so much and we married two years ago.

I did find though that the more I tried the more I failed. I had several dates that were all rubbish.

I got chatting online with DH, we met three hours later and I had been decorating. Didn't bother changing because "what's the point, he wont fancy me". Having done the fully works on all the other blokes (new outfit, facials, hair done, make up, waxing etc etc etc).

The rest, as they say, is history.

HelishAngel · 04/08/2010 20:47

Well I've only been on Match and I'm having a right old laugh. If men are scared off by my 4 kids then so be it, their loss as I see it! The wheat is out there and the chaff can jog on.

Take your time and enjoy the journey gal! ;)

HelishAngel · 04/08/2010 20:48

Meant to say...I've only been on Match for a couple of weeks...doh!

FluffyCut · 04/08/2010 20:48

met dp through friends reunited dating, over 4 years ago now, i was newly divorced with a dd of circa 18months. We now have our own dd of 7 months too.

he was only the 2nd date i went on. the first turned out to have been on Vanessa with his exw so i ran from that one

megsophandemma · 04/08/2010 21:28

Thanks Angel

Welcome to MN Telulha, you're gonna love it here. So sorry about your husband. x

used2bthin · 04/08/2010 21:35

Hi I am only six months in but have met a lovely man and both very much hoping this is it now. Also my cousin is about to marry the man she met on match two years ago. I did date for a year without having many second dates and spent loads of time just chatting to men online before (in fact my bf and started chatting online a year before we got together) but I think that was more that Iwasnt really looking for a serious relationship to begin with. I have one DD and my bf knew no one with children so its quite an adjustment for him but so far so good.

I think match is a good one, I met a nice friend through plenty of fish but also lots of oddballs, I think it may be a place for people who arent sure what they want (or are and its just one thing!.

BertieBasset · 04/08/2010 22:05

I say the ones you pay for are better than free sites, although nothing too expensive.

I have heard eharmony is good? They match you on personality I think and the questions you answer are pretty indepth.

Angelcat666 · 04/08/2010 22:29

Megs your welcome

I'm on Match atm and a couple of free ones. I find Match the best so far. I had a date on Monday, he was a nice guy but nothing will come of it. I have another on Friday so we'll see.

I'm lucky in the fact that my ds is 17 and my dd 16 so I don't need babysitters.

I was also on Eharmony for a while but I did tend to find that sometimes I would contact men and they would never reply. Some would look at your profile, others I didn't even know if they'd logged onto the site or not. It's a good site in the fact it, as Bertie says, matches you on personality but the lack of response could get a bit disheartening. Still you may find it different, you may get more luck if you decide to join. It is possible to join for just one month if that's what you want to test the waters, so to speak.

ChocDee · 05/08/2010 08:36

Yup, worked for us!
Though neither of us had children.

BUT, we lived in different countries and two very different worlds.

Met up for holidays in various countries for almost a year before making the leap. We had actually only spent time together 6 or 7 times in wonderfully exotic places before landing with a bump in bloody Kansas, USA!

The circumstances we have been faced with have not been easy at all. But now, 6 years on we are still going extremely strong and we love each other to bits.

He was my second date. We knew it was right during the first meet up.

I think a large part of it was the distance between us so we had to communicate instead of staring lustfully into eachothers eyes the first year or so.

Udate did it for us!

conkie · 05/08/2010 09:08

I met my husband of nearly 4 years on the internet. It can happen

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