Loss of libido after childbirth - how long did it take you to resume sexual relationship after giving birth?

[arabellaandbaby]

Hi all

Not sure whether this is the correct place to post this thread. Thought I'd give it a go anyway, and I've posted it under the pregnancy thread too.

I used to have quite a good sex drive, one that equally matched DH's, perhaps slightly lower, but we were more or less on a par sex-drive wise.

However, I had my DD 5 months ago after a straightforward pregnancy and labour and am concerned that, since giving birth, I have had absolutely no desire for sex at all even though it's been 5 months. I have no fears of resuming a physical relationship with DH who I love dearly and who also loves me, but I just feel no need to have sex at all so I just turn down his advances all the time. I don't even want him to touch my breasts or anywhere else really. We haven't had sex since I was in the second trimester of pregnancy (although at that time, it was due to feeling uncomfortable).

Could the fact I am almost exclusively breastfeeding have anything to do with my non-existent sex drive? Has anyone else gone/is going through the same? How long did it take MNers to get back into sex after having a baby? Should I seek medical advice?

Thanks

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you it is quite normal and IMO your way of dealing with the emotions surrounding the birth of your dd. I have recently just had my first horny moment where dp was pounced upon and it was worth the tiredness I would feel the next day. DD is 12 months old and I remember feeling this about the same time on DS. It will come back just be patient (I am still bf BTW) so if you were planning on stopping at 6 months then you would get it back sooner I should imagine.

I started to get my libido back as I moved onto solids but it has only recently come back fully like it was pre- DD HTH.

I have just stopped co-sleeping and feeding to sleep at 21 months. I have had sex but never felt that much like it, to be honest, although once I got going I did. I think I had sex about 10 days after my section, then probably once a month, with the most fallow time being the last 8-9 months.

A combination of hormones/mind-bending tiredness/touch overload and lack of time where you won't be disturbed, plus a lack of babysitters (my mother is full of the big talk about having our own time but always blows us out)

Needing to get back in our bed together was probably one of the main factors in wrangling my child into her own bed. That and the fact that round the clock feeding kept my periods away when I want to think about TTC.

Anyway, she slept through the last two nights! Whey Hey!

We have a strong marriage though and he was fully supportive but beginning to get a little hacked off at having to sleep on her floor mattress. And I didn't blame him. He used to co-sleep too but he works a few night shifts and having him in there for some, but not all, was too distruptive.

It got me down in the last few months but we were quite relaxed about it really. We've been together 15 years so were used to each other and waxing and waning libidos.

With my last baby, we resumed at around 8 months. I was still breastfeeding, and she was not sleeping through the night, but solids were very established so I guess she must have dropped her milk intake. I think I had had one period, actually.
In our case we were on holiday and the first time I had to kind of force it, but then it came naturally and things were back to normal.

I now am fully b/f 7 month old twins and I am yet to feel any stirrings whatsoever. As with otchayaniye we are used to the waxing and wanings of libidos.

I am very interested to learn if there is a hormonal link between b/f and libido rather than it just being tiredness/touched out.

First time around took me around 6 months to feel up to sex again - and it was only when DS1 turned 1 that I felt my sex drive had returned to normal.

Similar second time round with DS2.

I'll be honest - it did cause some issues with DH after DS1 but talking about things really helped, as did taking time to make couple time (dinner out, movie, just kissing etc.) every few weeks without DS1 after DS1 turned 6 months. It'll take time and honesty and patience on both parts but you'll be fine, as will your sex drive.

Haven't done yet and DS2 is 6 months (also excl BF) - really have no urge whatsoever and have talked to DH about this who is fine to go with it - at the moment !
I definately don't want to get pregnant again so have decided to get a coil fitted - but am so demented with sleep deprivation, having a toddler and a 6 month old, etc etc than getting a coil fitted in order to resume a sex life just feels like one more faff that I can't be bothered with !!
I am sure that like the others have said, the urge will come back in time and I don't think you need to seek medical advice - unless you think you might have other issues affecting your libido like post natal depression.

As others have said, vvvvvv normal.

I had DS 5 months ago & we have not had even a snifter of a sex life since I was about 20 weeks pregnant sooooo quite some time ago now. We have three children & it took a while after each of the other two (9 months & 4 months) but atm I am not interested, at all, nada. Fully BF 24/7 so utterly touched out by the end of the day plus my breasts are 'sensitive', shall we say. I squirt milk at the slightest thing! I do not find this a sexy state to be in!

As others have said, ups & downs of longterm relationships n all that but the odd few nights out do help a bit to get back in the mood. Good luck!

It's great to know that this loss of libido business is normal from what you have all said, but I can't help but think that I'm leaving DH out of the picture. He hasn't been pushing me for sex as he understands that I'm not in the mood, but surely DH needs it? Should I try to initiate something although I'm not up for it, just to show DH that I do love him just as much as before baby made three? Problem is I just feel a slight, dare I say, aversion to intercourse right now.

I did read in one of those post-birth advice books that sometimes, if you can face it, having sex when it wouldn't necessarily be your first choice of something to do (that being sleep in my case) can actually turn out to be a good thing for you both. You may find you end up really enjoying yourself...

I used to do this and kind of regarded it as maintaining our sexual relationship. It worked too - I usually enjoyed it a lot more than I thought I would!

Personally, I still find it hard to go from being in mummy mode to partner mode (DD is nearly three) unless I've had about an hour between the two but that may well be me.

You do need to give yourself a bit of time. It's early days yet.