don't want sex with dh

[MitfordGirl]

New to Netmums! Hello all.
Big problem. I just don't want to do it with my dh. He is a nice bloke and we have been together for 16 years, but i am not sure if I even love him any more...
Yesterday I was in the spa pool at the gym and fantasised the bloke I was sitting next to... so I do have a sex drive still. Dh and I have had sex twice since Xmas and it is not enough for him (or me really) - we have had few problems but he is trying really hard. I feel like I have changed and become more independent and just don't need him like I used to - he is getting clingy and I just want to tell him to get off me and leave me alone. I sound (and feel) like a real bitch.

I feel trapped at home but our son has special needs and I can't leave him to go back to work which i would love to do as I love my job.

All the sex posts on here make me laugh but I just can't imagine getting down and dirty with dh in a way we would both like (a complete stranger would be no problem, mind you) - I feel like I am going mad and don't know what is the matter with me.

Wisdom please....

Netmums ?

this is MUMSNET you need to make sure you remembere that or you'll get fried.

The problem is that you are stuck in a rut. you want some excitement but you can't get it due to your circumstances.
you have been together so long that it is all so run of the mill your not interested.

What about getting a babysitter and having a fantasy night?
go to a bar, he comes in later and chats you up as though you have only just met? you get sex with a "stranger" without cheating.

if it works you can each write down a few fantasies and yu can go through them taking turns, one a week or something?

You said it all in your sentence: you "feel trapped", it's probably little to do with your husband ( unless he leaves all the domestic and childcare stuff to you) and more to do with the fact that he has an outside life so gets away from the grind of looking atfer a needy child.
It sounds like you have some resentment that your life is so "controlled" by the needs of others, that's perfectly natural and you can do something about it by trying to have more time for yourself and time for you as a couple.
I doubt you've gone off your H, more likely he's the easiest target for your unhappiness, you can hardly blame your child so it's easier to pin your resentment on your H.
Perhaps some counselling / help with your child would be of benefit?

When was the last time he complimented you? When was the last time you felt like saying something loving to him?

Maybe it's not about sex. Its about affection, and without that there will be no sex.