If someone tells you they are being raped...

[HarderToKidnap]

in their marriage what would you do?

For background, a woman who I have met in a professional capacity disclosed to me today she is forced to have sex with her husband. Sex (ANY vaginal sex) at this particular time in her life is actually harmful to her health and indeed she has suffered health consequences. However, she sees the forced sex, by which I mean sex using real force, as "one of those things" that we women have to put up with, boys will be boys, in the same way she might have told me he leaves the loo seat up.

Now obviously, this info has been passed to the relevant people. But for myself, personally, do I a) go back with Women's Aid stuff and tell her this is wrong or b) not blow her world apart and just leave it?

Thanks

I'd support her to leave and press charges. What else could you do?

If you work with her in a professional capacity, do you not have backup on this? Are there note guidelines about how to deal with this sort of thing?
(I'm guessing you work in sexual health???)

She didn't sound like she wanted to leave. She sounded like "sigh, isn't it annoying when they use force to have sex with you? Men, eh! Can't live with 'em..." type thing, like she didn't even realise it was actually deeply wrong.

Some backup, but as I couldn't tell her there and then that actyually, this wasn't OK or "one of those things", my role now would usually just be to tell someone who frankly hasn't probably had special training at all. What will happen now is loads of notes will be made but no one will actually sit down with her and say "hey, you know when you husband forces you to have sex whilst you cry? That actually isn't OK and most men don't do that".

Do you have a senior person at work that you can seek advice from? Your best bet is to refer her to victim support or womens aid, she's very clearly in denial. This is either her way of coping or she's been 'trained' into being the submissive wife. There's a theory about people who are being abused (Stockholm?), she won't see it as abuse.

here you go

If you work in health there should be a member of staff with designated responsibility for safeguarding adults

Talk to them

If you work for the NHS, I'm not sure how you can say it's not your role to give advice to your client about this.

If she had disclosed that he was hitting her every day, would you be in two minds about what to advise her?

If you are not confident about what to do then as others have said you should seek advice.

Please get some support and advice about this. The fact she has mentioned it, however casually is asking for some help. If a friend told you this you wouldn't leave it. Make sure you are supported but please, please do something, it will take a weight off you. He is endangering her health and breaking the law.

Children tell adults about 5 times on average about abuse before someone believes them (I was once told)

I'm sure it's because they don't 'tell' in a way that makes the person realise that they are being told for a reason....so that person assumes they should not interfere, someone else will be dealing with this.... or maybe this child is lying and the consequence of reporting it is unthinkable.......

Maybe this woman told you for a reason; because she is scared of the consequence of admitting it and dealing with it herself. Maybe she needs you to take this further for her. By all means take advice about the safe and appropriate way to get her help but don't ignore it?