40 wks pregnant and partner doesnt want us

[lozwil]

hi, this is the first time i have posted i am 40 wks and my husband has been distant for over 6 mnts he has now decided that if when the baby comes he crys too much or his life changes too much he is going to leave ( he has even had house valued). I am upset by this but whenever i get upset or try to talk he gets annoyed and walks out - any advice do u thinks it is just cold feet cos he is nervous about the baby coming ( it is our first) or do u think he is a selfish idiot who is going to leave ( He is nearly 30 and he suggested trying in the first place) HELP!

I went through this with xp and he did end up leaving. We coped and dd1 and I are WAAAAAY better without him, he would have made as crap a dad as he did a husband.

I then went on to meet dp and have two more children, he did admit to feeling very nervous in the run up to dd2 being born, but he never actually considered leaving.

Your dh may just be having last minute panics about the baby, but he does need to consider that you are actually a HELL of a lot more important than he is at the moment, you have the baby inside you, you're going to go through the birth and you are going to have to cope with the majority of the childcare (I would guess, anyway, given his attitude so far).

He may well fall totally and completely in love with the baby when it arrives, but you have to seriously consider whether you want to be with someone who puts his own feelings and worries SO far ahead of yours, at 40 weeks, he really should be looking after you, no matter how frightened he feels.

If he does leave, you WILL cope, you will be a much better single parent as part of a couple where half of the couple doesn't want to be there.

Good luck.
xx

I third the advice that he's not actually intending to leave but is trying to make sure that you prioritize him and his needs over the baby. If you give him an inch on this he will spend the rest of your marriage reminding you every time his dinner is a minute late or you don't react with wild enthusiasm to his request for a blowjob, that he could leave. The sooner you are able to react by pointing him to the door, the better.

Unfortunately, it is horribly common for selfish misogynists only to show their true colours when the first DC arrives, as up until then you will have managed to ignore or not notice the way in which your needs and wishes always take second place to his.

Spot on Solid.

Hope you are dong well lozwil ...

There is some very good advice on here from women who have had the same things happen to them. So sorry that you are going through this as well.

Good luck with the birth of your babe and the birth of yourself as a mum.

You poor woman. As everyone else is saying you are being had. He wants you to view him leaving as 'the worst thing that can happen'

Because you are vulnerable and about to give birth you may fall for that and do anything or make any promise (in your head) to keep him. You'll then feel committed to that deal.

In reality the worse thing that can happen has happened (you've had a relationship with this type of man)

The next worse thing is that you continue the relationship believing it to be the right thing to do

The best outcome is that you separate yourself from him, kick him out, obtain help and support from people who don't begrudge you and love your life with your child.

If I knew you I'd step in tomorrow and help. Others will if you ask

You don't need this man. He will not help you

Lozwil - how are you ? Have you had the baby yet??

Pack a bag for him, tell him to go now. Don't put up with this revolting behaviour for a minute more, it will be hard on your own, but it wont be as hard as with him x

thanks 4 the advice everyone baby is now here was overdue an a tiny 5 lb so far things have been as expected and nothing apart from my prioritys have changed baby is no 1 and i will do what is best for him which is a happy mum and home - we already have seperate finances his idea but turns out a good one and half the house is mine with my name on deeds so no need to worry feel in a much stronger position to fight my corner

Congratulations. I hope it all works out for you. And your baby.

Congratulations! Once they arrive nothing else seems important does it? Enjoy this time with your beautiful baby and remember to take every offer of help and support you get - not to mention every opportunity to sleep!

Congratulations on your baby Lozwil

I hope thing work out for you. How is your husband with the baby? does he realise how awful he has been?

he is good with the baby when he is here but acting like a teenager (he is almost 30) we have only been home a week and 2 nights he has been home after midnight yesterday i was coming downstairs at 2:30am and he was coming in i think he realises and he has apologised but actions speak louder than words but we will see what happens main thing is george is happy and healthy

Lozwil congrats on little baby. Things will get easier as time goes on. Could it be that your partner was anxious and couldn't express himself before? Just asking but is your partner an only child, because he seemed to behave just like a spoilt brat trying to get his own way? Perhap in time your partner will grow to love baby? However, its very reasonable for your partner to pull his weight and do more to help you. Ask him. TELL HIM WHAT YOU EXPECT OF HIM, change the balance of power in your relationship! Good luck!!