dont fancy my man, love him, but spark gone!!!!!!!!!!! anyone else?

[zell05]

TOGETHER FOR EIGHT YEARS TWO BABIES LATER AND I FIND MYSELF WONDERING IF THIS IS HOW IT WILL ALWAYS BE. I LOOK AT HIM AND TRY AND THINK OF WHAT I FANCIED IN THE BEGININNING, BUT I WAS 19 THEN AND THINGS CHANGE SO MUCH! i'VE FOUND MYSELF FANCYING OTHER GUYS AND AS I AM MAD ABOUT SALSA IT MAKES IT HARD NOT TO LOOK AND TOUCH, I REALLY DONT WANNA FEEL LIKE THIS AND CONVINCE MYSELF THAT IT WILL ALL COME FLOODING BACK TO ME ONE DAY ANY ADVICE???

Can't actually think of a nicer way to wake up than with the one you love snuggling up and kissing you. Feel much more like it in the morning than after a hard day running round after three small girls!

Know what you mean passionflower, DH looking for day work coz it doesn't seeem right to be apart at night time. Am I old fashioned or what?

please dont think i entered this relationship with unrealistic expectations, it has been a rough ride from the very beginning. From being homeless and eight months pregnant, to moving 250 miles away from anyone you know and basically having to start all over again. This in itself pulled us together because we had no one else, but after DP redundency from dream job i took over on the working front, but still was having to do half the jobs again when i got home. I cant help resenting that, even though he is fantastic father i carry this feeling that im doing alot more than i should, and DP doesn't seem to be bothered at all!!!!!!!!

zell - it seems you have have to cope with quite a lot, and have been shouldering a lot of the responsibility - no wonder you find yourself looking at the other side of the fence, when what's on your side is nothing but disappointment and frustration - do you think going to somewhere like "RELATE" might be able to help? At the very least it could help you work through your issues so you make the right decision for yourself without any regrets ....

That must be hard, and it's not that far from what we experienced (DH lost his job when I was 9 months pg, we had to sell house, he ended up suffering from depression and on medication etc etc- there are other threads on here explaining more). It took AGES to get past that resentment, it was ahrd (I can honestly say I hated him for a while) having to 'take over' everything and care for him as well as three boys under 4, one a newborn. BUT IT DID GET BETTER. With a lot of time.

It might be the right time for you to go and that decision is to be respected, but time can be a healer too. And counselling with relate can always be worth a go- they can help you break up as well as stay together.

Koalabear, posts crossed!

I may consider some sort of councilling, have already had appointment with angelic reiki specialist-this is where she tapped into my sub concious (as i feel i have alot of under lying issues) i was so stressed i started having panic attacks and she has managed to make them go away. I do feel alot calmer than i did and am able to get things in to perpective she also triggered a self healing process so it is on going. Alot of this is me thinking there must be a reason why i feel like i do,and in my head i think if i sort myself out so im happier, then i will naturally pass that on to DP.

If you have a friendship with him you have more than other women have, Don't take him for granted if you two have been toghther for 8 years....Try getting a babysitter & going on "date nights"...might bring spark back into relationship.

Don't you think part of the problem is we live in a throw away society. When we're bored with the carpet, sofa, car we throw them out and get new.

We buy things on credit and have to wait for nothing and we think that relationships are the same. Easy come easy go. Relationships are something that have to be worked at continually.

Well there's another thread i've probably killed i think 4 have gone dead today after i've posted. Is it me or what?

nah kath - you have put deoderant on.

theres a big distinction between that dizzy heights feeling you get when you meet somone new and all your body is doing things to you to make you want a shag - than there is to living with somone day in day ouot, bogies, smelly farts and socks near the toilet. talk about crash down to earth. but there is a kind of maturity that comes with a secure love. or vice versa a security that comes with a mature love. either way - its not a lesser love because you dont get a fanny flutter everytime you hear his name.
true love is this
taking me to the toilet and changing my pad when i have a period becuase i could hardly move with flu.

thats almost as gross as it gets. but my fella did it with love.

love changes and morphs. it gets better. sex can sometimes get stale, not as frequent - but then ask yourself when was the last time you bought rasberry syrup and it wasn't for the kids then get up in the morning and bitch at each other for the state of the sheets. then have a shy knowing smile that the kids wont understand.

love is just more than your body wanting a shag

brill custardo. Why do some people have such a way with words coz i think my advice usually pretty useless.

Love is patient, kind, love leaves selfishness behind.

Fantastic post, custardo.

Thanks ladies you have(if anything)made me think a little deeper into this problem of mine, all good solid advice and its nice to know that others struggle as i am, at least im not totally in the dark!!! Most of you seem very secure within your relationships and i know that feeling because i used to feel it too!, I dont know why its all changed but rest assured i am not a quitter and will see this through to the end.

Excellant post Custy, How I agree with you.

After my hip broke I came home bedridden. for several months dh took me to the toilet, washed me, dealt with my AFs, and my depression, as well as caring for ds and working full time.

That is love, that is having care, regard and respect for your partner, and trancsends the initial lust fest.

Brilliant post Custy.

Message withdrawn

Great post Custy / Easy AND Kath4kids.. your post was great, don't put yourself down!

I think TRUE love has to be severely challenged almost to the point of non existence before it becomes that special thing. I cared (and care) for Dh when he is ill, Dh cared for me when I had hyperemesis (holding back my hair as I threw up) and basically raised out eldest from 5 - 10 months whilst I lay comatose on the sofa, drugged up with anti emetics due to PG with DS2. I supported him financially whilst he was too ill to work, he is supporting me now whilst I study.

PeachyClair you are right.....When you feel almost as if you've given up ...that's when something will happen that will bring up the vows...in sickness & health....In good times & in bad..... Custardo, you are so smart, great description.....Zello , just think about things seriously, If you find another guy it will be all lovey dovey at first , then you will have to find out this new guys flaws, along with the fact that DH & children will be hurt. At least you know Dh's flaws, Fighting styles, bad habits & he knows yours.....etc....Dont be foolish, love.

& UCR I read your post & I feel for you. It is horrible to be going through turmoil & realizing it is because of a mistake you've made. Please learn from it, sweetie, & no longer contact this other guy.....

hope I made sense....

cheers ceetee you sound lovely, i have also been reading through ucr thread and i think the girl knows shes done wrong,even tho shes still a little wrapped up in the lust and attention. We must remember that she is the only one who can walk in her shoes and alot have posted harshly i think! Everyone is intitled to their opinion but lets not point the finger too much NO ONES PERFECT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You sound lovely as well Zello!!!
NOBODY can honestly say that they have never made a mistake, I know I've made plenty. So I have no reason to judge. Besides I was under the impression that this website was to help guide other moms & give them advice, not to judge them.
How are things at home by the way? Getting any better? Wish you the best