I find it so hard to trust dp, but really wish I could....

[newstart2010]

We have had alot of problems in the past and I have found out he was flirting with other people.

We had alot of break ups and he got involved with other people and slept with them etc.

When we broke up for a long time I also started seeing someone else.

I feel we are both being alot more grown up this time and seem much more committed. But I really find it hard to trust him.

I have never been very trusting of men anyway, but I really really want this to work. I love him so much and have dd together.

I just feel so crap sometimes and wonder what he sees in these other women. But if I really think about it, I know he is only with them when he cannot have me, so should not bother thinking all this rubbish. But my mind works overtime.

I just sometimes wonder if he is still flirting etc when we are together, then want to snoop around and check up on him.

I know that we both need to work on this problem but dont know how. Please go easy on me....

bump

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Know some people have found useful stufff in here.

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Yes I have, he tells me he will do things that I want him to do, then does the opposite. Somtimes I feel like he agrees to things just to keep me happy.

As I said we have had alot of problems in the past where he has been flirting with other people, and maybe slept with them.

When we got back together this time we both agreed that we would not have any contact with people we have been sexualy involved with in the past.

Yesterday I found that he was in contact with someone on facebook that he was involved with before we were together, probably about nearly 10 years ago.

I do not think he is interested in her sexually now, but if we had previously agreed not to speak to people we have slept with then why go back on it? When I asked him about her, he tried to say he knew her from college. Then when i told him I knew it was her, he admited it.

Its like there is one rule for me and another for him.

It's quite a tall order, isn't it? No contact with people either of you may have been 'sexually involved' with?

He probably shouldn't have agreed to do it, if it wasn't something he intended to stick to but do you think he felt he had choice in the matter? If you instigated the agreement, maybe not.

Given his history, it's unsurprising you are finding difficulty in forming comfortable boundaries surrounding 'other people' but whatever boundaries you do form have got to be reasonable and acceptable to both of you or lines will often be overstepped.

You can't change his character and nor should you have to change yours to suit him.

He was the one that said he would not speak to any one he has been sexually involved with. I would not want to speak to any of my exes anyway, so do not see it as a problem. He suggested this to make me feel more secure and trust him more.

I can be very demanding and very untrusting and jealous, so i suppose he just says things to make me happy and so that I stay with him.

But now that I am growing up I am starting to realise that the solution to the problem of me feeling as mentioned above is not to keep him away from all women for the rest of our lives, but to work on us as a couple.

But he just continues to tell me he will not speak to anyone I dont want him to speak to.

I have tried to talk to him about being more grown up, i have said if i am asking you to do something that you do not think is reasonable please let me know, instead of telling me you can do it but doing what you want anyway. But he always says what i am saying is right.

He would not like me to be in contact with someone i had slept with, so why should he be allowed?

i'm so fed up of obsessing about all of this rubbish, I just dont know how to switch off....