Is anyone else's mum vile after a drink?

[worried27]

I've posted before under this namechange if you fancy searching the history! Anyway...

I've just been out for a couple tonight with her, I have had 2 single vodka tonics (dieting!) so I'm perfectly calm and rational. Here are some snippets from a 15 minute soliloquy of hers:

-You're not nice you're aggressive
-You want to rule the roost over your friends
-You don't have any input into other people, you're so selfish

She brought up a conversation we had 3 months ago where I asked her for an explanation of why, at 8 years old, she called me (during a drunken tirade) my "daddy's prostitute" (obviously, I have never forgotten this and was bold enough one day to ask her for an explanation. As a response, she didn't say anything, not even look at me, for the whole of the conversation. ) Anyway, I said, 'yes mum, I needed an explanation as to why you said that to me'. Her response? "You don't NEED an explanation. You need shelter, food, water..."

Tonight I was, apparently, just supposed to sit there and say nothing during all this. When I calmly said, "mum, I don't want to and I'm not going to listen to this, I'm going home", she just rolled her eyes. I got up and left and am now home.

Vino Veritas? She sounds horrible and you are putting yourself through unnecessary stress by participating in her drinking.

See her sober or not at all..........if it was my Mum I wouldn't see her for a long time.

wow, sounds just what you don't need. Is she a full blown alkie? Sounds like it. Sorry for you having to go though this shit

These days, she seems to be a lot better, she used to have to have a glass of wine 'to get ther to sleep' but recently I don't think that's happened so much. and she's managed to quit smoking which is brill.

But speak to her after a few drinks, and... number one she will monopolise the conversation (I had finished my drink whereas she had barely started) and number two, eventually, she turns....

Can't help you here, my mum gets very "emotional" when she drinks; embarrassing, but harmless.

But I don't blame you for getting up and going home, you don't need to listen to her if she's going to be like that.

She's come home (I am staying the night), I am in bed, she turns the light on and won't leave, saying that dad has now removed the camera from the bathroom but apparently there's still a listening device in the tumble dryer......

My mother was awful after a drink and was quite abusive. When she was sober she was lovely. She used to call up and be nasty so we stopped answering our home phone after 6p.m as we knew it would be her. I left home when I was 17 to escape this.

She died recently and I have been utterly consumed by guilt for the way I used to treat her and also the fact that when she died on her own in the middle of the night she probably didn't even try and call because no one would have answered.

Since she died, I've tried to understand the reasons why she drank and now uderstand her better than previously and wish I'd had the chance to help.

In your situation, if your mother is vile after drinking just try and see her when she hasn't had a drink and when she starts drinking find a convenient time to leave.

Alcohol can really distort someones personality and it does make some people behave like monsters - if that's the case be loving when they're sober and try and avoid them when drunk.

Good luck and remember you only have one mother x

Thanks henry72,I have worried that when she dies I'll feel guilt, but when she's like this I fail to see how I can be understanding etc. Please don't be hard on yourself.

I was doing a bit of research last night and came across a description of someone with narcissistic personality disorder - not all of it applied to her but some of it took my breath away as I read it as it was spot on.

My mother is pretty vile after a drink. I live quite far away and deal with it by not talking to her on the phone when she has had a drink.

Growing up, she'd encourage me to drink with her at home which I thought pretty exciting and grown-up from a teenager's perspective. She have these long rants which would get increasingly tense. Now, I refuse to drink at all with her and don't engage with the rants. We rarely stay with her which makes her resentful but she continues to drink.

She's also diabetic so I do worry that this will eventually kill her but I've said what I can to make her stop. I pretty much leave her to it now. I used to get upset about it but she has been so vile over the years I'm pretty immune to it now.

You can't change her, you didn't cause it, and you can't cure it. You need to take care of yourself.

The listening device and camera mentions are rather worrying. Does she have mental health problems?

pippop1, if she does, I know nothing of them. As long as I can remember, my dad has apparently been 'spying'. At school I was told he had listening bugs in the phone so he could hear all my conversations, cameras in the bathroom so I was 'always to use the shower curtain', listening devices in the tv... etc etc

worried27, are you OK? Sounds pretty awful really, and does sound like she is paranoid, and poss has mental health problems. But like henry72 says, tis hard because you only have one mother. Hope you can reconcile this and try to have a good relationship with her.

My mother came for dinner many moons ago,our neighbour was also invited.

After 2 glasses of wine,she decided to call me a bitch at the dinner table,she made herself look stupid and I was ashamed of her behaviour infront of my neighbour.

My father has mentioned that my mother being an aggressive and mouthy drunk when they were 'courting'.I can imagine he is speaking the truth.

No, my mum is not vile after a drink but she is bloody irritating and talks drivel and you can't shut her up. (Mind you she's a bit like that sober as well.)

Your mum sounds very spoilt and spiteful OP, and like a narcissistic attention seeker. Sorry.

No, but my Dad was vile after a drink. It was hideous. And often embarrassing when other people were visiting. I feel for you x

just seen this thread ,
sadly my mum is a nasty toxic and although i hate to say it the only thing i like about her is she lives 200 miles away.
she begged to see the dds at whitsun and my kids had to come home early as she was drinking at breakfast ,,,,,never again ,,

my equally toxic drunk of a sister used to scream down the phone at me if anyone pissed her off so i have changed all my numbers blocked them from face book and basically cut them out of my life which probably sounds cruel and unkind but i cant find any other way to cope with them,as i terrified i will end up like them so i dont drink at all these days ,
my nan ,aunt and uncle are exactly the same its so horrible,
the number of hospital trips ,my mum and dad stabbing each other,police coming out are awful memories

its painful but ,i would rather avoid them

wornoutbyarguing Oh my God poor you.

My mum is turning into a bit of an alcoholic I think. She's on her own and retired, and has started drinking through sheer boredom, and under the illusion that she's 'treating herself' and 'relaxing'. I know it's getting worse because she phoned me the other day at about 5.45pm and was already slurring and talking shite. She phones me, then my sister, and we compare notes about how bad it was afterwards.

The thing is, I know she's lonely and I would have her over more often, but when we have a couple of glasses of wine with our dinner she'll just keep going all evening. She gets pissed really quickly, but doesn't seem to get drunk enough to fall asleep and shut the hell up! And she gets really loud and keeps repeating herself as well. I can't stand it - I have to leave the room. I had her over a few Christmases ago, with my in-laws (who also like a drink) but she was really indiscreet and embarrassing, and just bloody boring really.

We never argue or fall out in our family, but I know at some point I'm going to have to say something to her, and I'm dreading it.

My mum sounds like yours Fellatio - she's not on her own but she drinks too much a couple of times every week gets loud like you say etc etc. I don't say too much but I can't stand it! As soon as I pick up the phone I can hear it in her voice and it puts my back up straight away.

It also winds me up that she sometimes gets in such a state that she falls but she expects me to accept the "I walked into the door" or "I walked into the wall" (yeah, right!!) explanation.

As henry says, you only have one mother and I know I'll be sorry for feeling this way when she's no longer here, but I really can't stand being with her when she's like that. I like a drink as much as anyone else but I definitely won't follow in these footsteps and have DS feeling this way about me.

My Dad died recently (my parents divorced when I was 6, and my sis and I always had a difficult and odd relationship with him, mostly because he was difficult and odd) and my mum (who has never been very physically affectionate or demonstrative) has started to have a bit of a mother/daughter epiphany, and keeps trying to hug me and bond with me more especially when she's had a drink or six. I'm 44 FFS, And she wants to go OVER and OVER the past, and my childhood and things to do with my dad, and I'm so sick of having the same conversations I could scream. That might sound harsh to people who have a very touchy-feely, very relaxed relationship with their mum, but trust me, in our relationship, it ticks over just fine as it is. Least said, soonest mended, and trying to get all group-therapy about things now is just WRONG! Especially when she's too pissed to reason with.