how long is a long time without sex?

[TheLadyOfTheGreenKirtle]

dh and i have (obviously) been ttc for 4 years and as a result have had a rather ahem... healthy sex life. and have had sex at least twice a week (except for period week, but then i help him out ) my health has been very bad recently and my ribs and shoulders have been agony. as a result we havent been able to have sex. in fact we havent had any sexual contact for a month. doesnt sound like a long time i know, but it is for us. im a bit worried about letting it go too long, because i get a bit worried about having sex again when its been a while (my own messed up stuff) and more importantly, i miss it. i miss having sex, i miss cuddling, i miss the intimacy.

so how long is too long, especially when its a health issue?

how long is a piece of string?

when i was single it was over a year. didn't bother me. but it depends how high your libido is.

see, i dont mind when im single. the longer i go, the longer i can go iykwim. but its everything around it that i miss.

Theladyofthegreenkirtle
Do you have any DC yet?

We had a lovely active frequent sex life until the DCs came along.
Now, it's all we can do to get it on when we are on holiday.

Makes me sad and I want to rectify this.

Kids make all the difference. If you have none, enjoy TTC whilst you can

it is hard when you are in a relationship and it is 'right there' to be had IYSWIM. have you had no sexual contact at all in the last month? surely there are some things taht would be OK? although i don't know you specific health condition so forgive me if i am way off the mark.

we have one ds (5) and have been trying to stop ftc ruining our sex life. i suppose im a bit worried that because my condition is chronic it will have a permanent effect on our love life.

are you able to take anything for the pain?

i suffer from teitzes, my rib cartilige swells and pushes them out. that affects my shoulders and arms, so we have had nothing. i really miss him.

i can, but the painkillers make me sick and dozy. not a turn on.

aww, you can still be intimate without having sex though. sleeping naked together, cuddling, baths together, a bit of alone time, date nights?

i suppose. i think we are both a bit worried about getting turned on and/or carried away.

it must be very frustrating for you both. i don't have a very high libido so a bath or a massage would be great for me and i know it wouldn't turn me on unless i wanted it too but exp would usually have expected it to go further and would be dissapointed when it didn't so he tended not to do these things which is a shame because i found them alot more intimate than sex alot of the time.

My friend hasn't had sex with her DH for 9 years- they don't have any initmacy.
my DH and I went for 10 years without penetrative sex due to a health issue I had.

its actually quite frustrating. i love dh and feel a bit bad for him (and me) he doesnt want to hurt me and i am v self conscious about by torso at the mo. ttc is out of the question at the mo.

Doesn't it work if he's behind you?

i am sorry you are going through this. i hope with time you are able to resume normal activity but it is worth trying the other things just to see how they make you feel. you never know you could both discover things that you never thought would bring you pleasure.

in my house 2 days.

I have been known to back down on an argument simply because i want a shag

Quite how i managed when i was single i will never know.

thank you all. peony, i dont like from behind (plus have no strength in my arms and cant put pressure on my chest.

booyoo, im hoping that this flare up will be over soon

gigantaur, lol thats what i was like. the amount of rows that go unresolved... when he's in the wrong

at gigantaur

I'd worry if we went more than 2 days but everyone is different and me and dp both have quite high sex drives. Average for me and dp is 2x a day unless illness or something drastic happens'

What about spoons? I know it is kind of from behind, but it's more gentle and intimate

I agree the more u have the more u want sometimes!

My DH works on a 4 week shift pattern and depends on what week of it if we see each other at all never known be intimate or on the 'good' week with no night shifts ect it can be every other day. Go crazy on holiday and sometimes even twice a day but that takes me weeks to recover if im honest!!!

I hope you find something that you are comfortable with, after a stomach opp a few years ago it did make it tough.

secunda, i stillhave the problem of pressure on my ribs. i need to prop myself up when i sleep.

Lady, I can completely understand why it worries you, especially if you enjoy it. It seems that, despite all the unresolved rows (I thought I was the only woman who would rather mount her DH instead of having him take the rubbish out in a timely manner - TMI, sorry), you have quite a close relationship with DH. Why not talk to him directly? Not the easiest conversation to have, but you could start with a loving - I really miss you. I think it will mean the world to him to hear that you miss him physically and voicing your fears about pain may be liberating too. Sometimes, just commiserating together makes a difference. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for your speedy recovery.

What about with you on top?

I don't think not having sex in a while is a problem, as long as you both know it's not because you don't want to but because you can't. I think men connect sex with love more than women do, and so if you don't have sex with them they think you don't love them. So it might be a good idea to keep telling him how much you miss him and would like to, while explaining why you can't because of the pain. Cuddling, kissing and, ahem, other things are just as good as sex, I think. (but I'm not a man)