can we talk internet dating

[menarepants]

beacause im totaly disheartned by it.

Ihad two dates lined up for this weekend. One has cancelled and rearranged ( but really if he wanted to see me, he would have kept to the original date, yes?) and the other has not come up with a meeting time or place, despite being the one who asked.

Ive been online dating on and off for about a year.

There are so many men on there who are either total freekin weridos. or just after a shag. or clearly married.

Then there are the ones that go on about wanting a relationship, but after you meet say there was no spark, but they would happily engage in casual sex with you.

Then there are the ones where you have the first date, it goes well and you never hear from them again.

Then there are the ones that assume you are in a relationship with you just because you are emailig them.

then there are the ones who will talk to you for months and months, and just never ask you out.

It is so crap.

But if i didnt do it, my chances of meeting many men are pretty much zilch.

actually I rather like being a little eccentric and confess I have thought it about myself for many years

za·ny (zn)
n. pl. za·nies

1. A ludicrous, buffoonish character in old comedies who attempts feebly to mimic the tricks of the clown.
2. A comical person given to extravagant or outlandish behavior.

adj. za·ni·er, za·ni·est

1. Ludicrously comical; clownish.
2. Comical because of incongruity or strangeness; bizarre.

ec·cen·tric (k-sntrk, k-)
adj.

1. Departing from a recognized, conventional, or established norm or pattern. See Synonyms at strange.
2. Deviating from a circular form or path, as in an elliptical orbit.

3. a. Not situated at or in the geometric center. b. Having the axis located elsewhere than at the geometric center. n.

1. One that deviates markedly from an established norm, especially a person of odd or unconventional behavior.

I'm definitely more unconventional person than a buffoon

no - I don't think of myself as Zany - I think of myself as little on the eccentric side - unconvential behaviour rather than being a buffoon!

Ahhh I feel your pain. I did internet dating for a good long while and spent a lot of that time feeling fed up and cheated due to quality of men. Trouble is, internet dating sort of puts your real feelings out there even more than RL. I think you can invest so much hope and expectation in each meeting, when that isn't necessarily realistic because you don't even necessarily know that you fancy them yet!

I agree with lots of the postings - make sure you sound, and are interesting. Put up more photos than just your best one so that people know exactly what you look like. Go on LOADS of dates with everyone. Even people you think you won't like. And don't expect anything to happen, not even a little kiss. Be prepared to get to know people and see if you click. Don't think of it as a 'date'... you'll be disappointed.

That's probably a bit tricky when you are having to organise babysitters etc, but maybe try meeting for a drink (coffee for an hour or so) earlier in the day not necessarily prime dating real estate times in an evening. That way you can assess people and above all have fun meeting people. Don't commit to a real date until you're sure you want to. It worked for me when I took all the pressure off myelf to meet someone and as soon as I did that, I ended up having a hilarious afternoon in a bar from 4pm and life went from there. Despite being previously married and in the process of a divorce we fell in love and then got married ourselves 3 years later. LO on the way now...

I really believe internet dating is brilliant despite the crap men on there. It's the same as real life - plenty of arseholes out there too. I don't know what sites are good now but I've also heard e-harmony is a bit less one night shag than some.

PS I also cancelled on my husband before we met btw and agonised about it!! He was very peeved he says now!

Ah.

just want to add that I have heard it from the other side- my brother aged 46 is trying internet dating and he gets thoroughyl fed up for all the same reasons; women who just want to talk, never meet, women who are very independent and can't compromise over anything, women who can't read ( he says he doesn't want anyone with kids- sorry MNs); so it's not just the guys.

I also know a bloke who is on a dating site and he is married. His marriage is dodgy and his wife does go off and leave him reguarly, but the marriage is not over by any means, but it's as if he likes to have an ego boost by talking and maybe keeping women in tow as an "insurance".

it takes all sorts.

On a positive note, my friend met a great guy who lived 9000 miles away with his work when they first met- they hav ebeen talking and having hols together for 2 years ( when in the UK he does live near her) and they are now looking to buy a house together.

Wanders back over to Match

Oops, didn't mean to highlight that

I agree with Sqitten - dating is so hit and miss however you go about it. I did internet dating after the break-up of my first (very long) marriage because I just couldn't see how I was ever going to meet anyone.
I met my lovely 2nd husband on-line and we have been married nearly 3 years now. I think I was very lucky, but stick at it - you may get lucky too!

Well I've just winked at a few. Lets see how it goes

I bet she was

I'm using Match.com, Plenty of Fish (although not been on for a while) and OkCupid atm. I was a member of Eharmony but my subscription ran out at the weekend and I can't afford to renew right now.

Well I don't go on them all daily. Eharmony I found I could contact people and they didn't reply, not even to say no thanks . PoF I just tend to go on every once in a while. OkCupid I'm emailing someone on there but have only been a member on there for about two weeks. Match has probably been the most successful in terms of winks etc. Unfortunately a lot of them seemed to come from abroad or the other side of the UK Maybe it was something I said

Do they all charge astronomical fees? How do they make their money if it's free?

The free ones I assume make money from advertising.

The ones that charge have different prices depending on how long you take a subscription out for. The longer the subscription the cheaper per month it works out.

I was looking on plenty of fish for a friend of mine (honest)... saw a man I liked the look of... joined... emailed him, we started texting a week later... talked for about a week... then met.... that was nearly a year ago and we're happily engaged!

I do appreciate that this happened very quick.

I did have quite a few comments from men... one 60 year old even kindly sent me a picture of himself mowing the lawn with his top off!....

what exactly are you hoping for from a dating site.... new friends? shag? mr right? because I think once you know what your after you can weed all the others out... and don't settle for second best

I would also do all the running... that way you know your attracted to them, and don't be afraid of going a little further that you wanted to, my boyfriend lives an hour and a half away... but he works near me, so its do-able...

from my limited experience I would say make your profile page interesting, a nice recent pic of you smiling, no kids in the pics, and not too much cleavage.
I'd also get to know the person your talking to... you can get to know someones personality from emailing and texting... and if you have nothing in common when you chat on the phone... well... maybe give them a wide berth...

I do realise I was lucky....
happy dating...

I did have quite a few comments from men... one 60 year old even kindly sent me a picture of himself mowing the lawn with his top off!....

Sorry but that did make me laugh

Well, I met my partner on a dating site. Been together 18 months and he still seems normal!