Just wanted to post this really. Was talking to a friend today and i suddenly realised how far i had come. I wanted to post, because i know, that when its all bad, just a little bit of hope that it will get better can do wonders. I thought that it wouldnt. but it does.
we have been split up 20 months now. Ive moved to a new house in a new town. He constantly cheathed on my throughout our entire marriage and relationship. he was also abusive. I found out he was seeing a very young girl and deciced enough was enough.
I was consumed with rage/anger/hatred for a long time. I despised him and really hated him with every cell in my body. I wanted to stab the girl and the thought of her being with my child... well. i cant put it into words.
However. Little by little without me really realising, its all ok. Ex dh and i chat on the phone quite regulary. we do each other favors. he text me last week as he knew i was out, to have a nice time and he hoped the rain stayed away. I no longer hate him. In fact im ambilivant and cant really belive i was married to him.
Whats more odd is this. The girl who i hated. i dont hate anymore. I overheard a conversation she had with my child the other week. Child was asking what girl had had for tea. Girl said nothing yet. Child said why not a pizza. Girl asked if she liked pizza and if she would like to make one when she comes next. That they can go to the shop and pick toppings. Child was happy. Grild said then they could stop at the duck pond on the way home. Child was happy.
Friend said to me, how do i deal with it. I said its fine with me. Child has even more people loving her and caring for her. Her family has just got bigger. I dont know how ive become ok with it but i have.
So, i just wanted to post, beacuse if you are like i was about a year ago, almost curled up ina ball of seething red rage. then it will change. You will be ok.