Head spin and paranoid?

[blurr]

My DH had an affair for three years with my best friend. He didnt want to leave me so we tried to make a go of it on the basis he also never contacted her again. He did contact her last year and i found out through his silly mistakes. Again he begged forgiveness by making up some story that he was trying to make sure she never called him.

She left to go abroad but comes back now and again and as we have common friends, i always find out when she is here. So I do not have any solid evidence but having looked at his phone records something didn't look right. Although there are no calls to her directly there are a lot of unusual calls especially to one particular common friend. When I asked him whether he had recently spoken to this other friend, my dh had said, not recently.

So far, my instincts have been right but have no firm proof. He also has calls made to her best friends house and mobile too. As she has gone back abroad I don't whether to forget about it. There is no point confronting him as I know he will make up an elaborate story. He has already 'sussed' something as he now says that he spoken to the mutual friend about some business.

Is he messing with my head, am I paranoid and should I just forget about it as she has left.

The OW also stayed at a friends house who once claimed to be like my 'brother'. OW convinced him that I did some awful thing to his DW and he believed her over me.

My head is confused.

Read your own post as though someone else had written it.

It doesn't sound good.

You need to get all of these toxic people (friends of your ex-friend) out of your life for good. If your dh really wants to be with you he will cut his ties with anyone associated with the ow. He should be doing everything he can to prove himself to you if he is serious about saving your marriage.

Alternatively, you need to get rid of him.

ItsGraceA - sorry, I wrote it - in a 'blurr' so it probably doesn't make much sense and I posted the message accidentally before checking it!!

In these situations, there is so much going on, including looking after children and typing this quickly so they can't see. Trying to be normal, when everything in my head is spinning with suspicions.

I don't know how long ago this affair was meant to be over and therefore how long you have been recovering as a couple, but it is obvious that he doesn't truly regret it if he has been in any contact with the OW after the affair was over. It is the first rule of recovery - contact with the affair partner has to cease forthwith.

You don't say what you have done as a couple to learn from this affair and to make infidelity impossible in the future. One of the things you absolutely have to do is to ensure that all your friends support your marriage and won't do anything to conspire against it.

It seems likely from what you say that he has been in contact with her again and that his/your friends have colluded in that. You expect him to lie if confronted, which demonstrates most acutely that you don't trust him not to deceive you.

I suspect you're right not to trust him, but I think this will be a festering sore in your marriage. It is never too late to deal with an affair properly, but don't make the mistake of burying this again now she has returned overseas. He will contact her again and those friends are no friends of yours or your marriage.

I don't think Grace was commenting on your typing skills or syntax. More that if a friend was telling you all this what would your reaction be?

Thanks, that is what I meant!

Basically I think you have as much 'proof' as you need. He lied about not having been in touch with the other friend, then backtracked. There's no reason for that, except to hide something

I meant: I do know how your mind refuses to process things properly when you're frightened/anxious. But if you look at your OP with a fresh eye, everything is there.