Cruel or just what happens?

[Whoknowswhat]

So I just got this text from hubby.......

Your such a bitch, all I do is run around after you without complaint. Grow the fuck up.

Is this normal or is this the way things are when people loose their rag.

I did piss him off I expect, he phoned me and I just hung up on him, it seems an effort for him to talk to me sometimes, like he can't be bothered. But did I really deserve that back, really?

I am in a high risk 2nd pregnancy, pre-eclampsia before, boderline at the moment with spd, so can't do lots around the house.

When he gets cross I wish he wouldn't call me names all the time it's just horrible, why does he do it?

My partner and I have never EVER called one another names. Or any partner I ever had before, except for one... whom I kicked out briefly after the name-calling episode. My line is drawn lower than that, sorry. It's a loss of respect that, in my opinion, sets a tone for the rest of the relationship.

If he uses names only with you, not with his friends or workmates, it really says something about where you are in his priority list, doesn't it?

What? No, we don't speak to each other like this. It's horrible, unacceptable and vile.

I agree a short sharp shock and only to re admit him to your home on the proviso that if he does it again that will mean he chose to end the marriage.
His choice.
Poor you, you are not mad he is being an abusive arse.
Look after yourself and babies.

XH, who was emotionally abusive, called me a bitch just once, early on in our marriage. I left him in no doubt that if there were a second use of that word there would be no opportunity for a third, because he would be out. It is one of those zero tolerance things for me, like hitting. He took the point so well that over 20 years later, when we were nearly divorced, he only just managed to mutter quietly that I was "bitching" about something (I wasn't, I'd hardly said a word, but I let it go because he only said it in hopes of a reaction, and his bad manners weren't going to be my problem for much longer).

It is a Very Bad Word to say to your partner and it is not acceptable even if you were the biggest ballbreaker on the planet. No wonder you're having blood pressure issues.

Oh, and refusing to drive you when you're helpless - had that - so I'd start trying to make my own arrangements (lift from family member, taxi etc) and immediately of course he'd drive me, "I was only teasing, you silly girl" etc. Yeah, teasing in THAT tone of voice with a rabid wolf expression on, right.

It's a power struggle, basically. He gets away with it because he thinks he's got you where he wants you. Were it XH who by some miracle learned how to text, the conversation that evening would have gone something like this: "I am sorry that I put the phone down on you. That was impolite and I realised afterwards I should not have done it. However, you then sent me a text that was completely unacceptable. The next time you use the word 'bitch' to me will be the last time because there will be no-one here to say it to. If you have a genuine complaint about the current household arrangements, which let me remind you is due to my illness not laziness, let us discuss it like adults and we can try to find a solution acceptable to us both, without swearing or calling names." And yes, I am pedantic enough to talk like that even when I'm angry. No wonder XH played passive-aggressive power games...

ask your DH if he is going to talk to you in that way in front of the kids too

would he call a colleague at work in the same manner, his sister, his mum...

then tell him you are expecting of him to be treated like a human beeing
that's it

Tell him it's 'you're such a bitch' and to sort his spelling out.

That should do it.