if wwifn or counting or anyone else for that matter is around i could really do with some help please.
my dh and i have been together 6 years, one 8 month old baby and my dd from my 1st marriage.
at the start of our relationship (about first year) he was talking and flirting with other women on the internet through dating sites. i found out a long time after and was devastated, i read the email exchanges between him and these women and felt sick. im not sure how i got 'over' it, i think i just buried my head in the sand and was so hurt i had to pretend it never happened. this was all about 4 years ago i found out.
ive now found out that there was one woman that he actually progressed from internet talking with to talking by text and phone. he also arranged to meet her. i know he didnt actually meet her because ive now seen the emails from her where she was (understandably) confused as to why he'd suddenly gone from talking to her all the time to suddenly nothing, breaking their date and ignoring her texts/calls.
i know it was over 5 years ago now that it actually happened but i feel sick and totally lost. ive spent the last two days in bed and havent been able to look after my dc at all, hes had to have 2 days off work. i keep thinking that he must have been texting her when i was with him, that we'd been in bed together then he'd got up and phoned her. i feel sick. he was telling me he loved me the whole time and now i know what hes capable of in terms of lying to my face. he and her had this 'emotional affair' for about 2 months i think, maybe less. she wrote in her emails that she couldn't understand what had gone wrong and why were his 'usually so loving texts' suddenly cold.
back then i was a size 10 and we had sex all the time, we both really made an effort and we had lots of child free time as my exh had contact with our dd. now im a size 16, constantly covered in babysick, we never spend time together without the children. so how am i supposed to believe he wanted to cheat then but doesnt now? we talk about it and talk about it but im scared by how bad i feel about it all, i hit him yesterday and then i tried to slit my wrists. im ashamed and confused
wwifn - how do you get over the deceit and the feeling like shit and the sudden realisations like 'oh, on the date she sent that email we were having a romantic night together and you were texting her 20 minutes before i arrived'????????
sorry this is probably so long but i really need help here if anyone knows what to do i just keep crying and my dd keeps asking me why