Do you and your partner kiss and cuddle and if not do you mind?

[arabella2]

I don't mean as a prelude to sex but in your everyday life. Dh and I don't at all - we have problems in general but even when we had less problems we didn't, basically because it is not dh's thing. At 41 however I find myself feeling sad that I am never going to have a kiss and a cuddle again but on the other hand maybe a lot of people live like this and are perfectly happy? Hence the post....

I do think that's sad, how do you express your affection for each other?

For example, my cousin and her DP aren't overly demonstrative people, but he will do things like leave books or poems on her pillow with a few places marked of things he thinks she would find interesting or that he found especially funny. It is a different way of showing affection on a regular basis that isn't about sex.

DH and I are great cuddlers, we do lots of hugging and kissing in this house, it's just how we are.

We hug and kiss a lot. Not as a prelude to sex but just to be affectionate. We also always sit on the same sofa to watch tv.

we do always kiss eachother good morning or good night and have bit of a cuddle and a kiss at other times, every couple is diff, i no some of my friends say that there parnet only does this when he wants something!!!

arabella,

my wife and I used to be very affectionate in normal daily life, and it wasn't always a prelude to sex.

We haven' kissed or cuddled, let alone get intimate for nearly 9 years now..and I really don't know why. I have asked her but she just says she isn't interested. Don't know if it's me she isn't interested in, or affection....

It does make me envious when I see other people who are close.

I really feel for you as I am older than you so not quite so long for me to suffer through...

Have you talked to your OH about how you feel?

ineedabodytransplant - what do you mean not quite so long for you to suffer?? haven't talked to other half about it as he is generally uncompromising and i know from past conversations years ago that kissing etc is not important to him... i'm sure lots of other couples are like this so maybe i should just suck it up!

We have lots of kisses and cuddles. Even when we had a prolonged 'sex drought' ( health issues and life with young kids, no other problems) we still had kisses and cuddles. I don't know that either of us could live without any form of physical contact, whether or not it led to sex.

We don't and I don't miss it at all, I am more than happy with a kiss hello and goodbye. I .am quite 'ewww get off me' if he tries to give me a hug for no particular reason, I feel quite claustrophobic. I may be a bit touched out at the moment though, having 6 month old breastfed twins and 2 other daughters.

We aren't having sex yet either, I think it ties in a lot for me.

I'd mind very much if we didn't kiss, or hug, hold hands or just have the occasional affectionate pat on the knee, especially as sex is off the menu pretty well as DP's depressed. But it depends on whether you're happy with it or not and no one can decide that, but you. Can you do without the cuddles for the rest of your life, do you think? Or will it build up resentment over the years? If it bothers you, you might try talking to him about it. I wasn't a physically demonstrative person in my teens, but now I crave it, without being over the top and sloppy about it, it's just a nice way of touching base emotionally, especially when DP is withdrawn into himself, it shows me that he still cares.

We don't kiss or cuddle, or have sex for that matter! I do wish we did, I hate being in a relationship without any physical contact, especially as I am only in my 20s and I can't bear the thought that 'this is all there is...'

So to answer OP, not every couple kiss or cuddle, but that doesn't make it right, iyswim?

We are the same as you Arabella2. I get very distressed about it, wondering if this is it. I am not at all happy about it. Husband won't talk about it or even acknowledge that there is a problem

arabella,

it was a bit tongue in cheek really. Meant hopefully you'll live longer than me..

Sad really that you don't receive kisses and cuddles. Makes life lonely and really hits home when you see others happily doing it, possibly even without thinking as it's natural.

Blimey, the only time I ever have a woman near me is if friends come round and it's just a quick hello/goodbye hug and cheek kiss..

And if anyone thinks Quasimodo is my better looking brother, not really. Not boasting honest......

AND I have been doing a weight management programme..down from 13st to 11st 12lb in 5 weeks. Just need to get to 11st and then I can be an 11st loser...

Yes dh and I still kiss and cuddle. I would hate it if we didn't.

Poor you. I think it has a lot to do with whether you were shown much affection as a child. Perhaps your dh wasn't?

We don't have any physical affection - no kisses, hugs, touching. Our sex life is also dismal at the moment.

I miss it but don't particularly want it from my H.

I'm beginning to think from reading the other posts that it's a clear sign that things are going wrong in a marriage. They're going very wrong in mine that's for sure.

I'm also beginning to think there's no point staying in a marriage where there is no affection. You may as well be staying with a lodger.

Maybe we should start an MSE club for people who don't get cuddles...

But I suppose that would only lead to even more threads......

Ineed
MSE? You'll have to elaborate for the more chat-speak challenged among us (or possibly just me )

Why have you stuck with your wife for so long? I'm finding it really soul-destroying, and have never felt less desirable or attractive in my life.

Arabella there was no physical affection in my marriage although the sex was regular and good. For years it bothered me but I steeled myself to it eventually and ignored it

H left 7 months ago and affection will top of my list in any new relationship.Just like you at 44 I felt sad that that was the situation forever but in truth I wouldnt have ended our marriage over it as we have 2 youngish dc.

No, he wasn't the affectionate type, a peck goodbye in the morning and the same when he got home, but that was it unless he wanted sex. Told me he loved me three times in 15 years, two of those after I told him it was over.

I thought I didn't mind, but I did, and it was one of the many reasons I ended it.

Frog,

MoneySavingExpert = MSE

I have stayed because I made my vows, and seems like now is the For Worse bit...just didn't expect it to last for so long

I know I, or rather we,need to move on as we obviously are wasting the one life we are given.

I often start to begin a new thread to se if there is anyway I can move on but it always sounds so blooming simple and I know it isn't.

Just knowing my emotional life stopped at 45 is really difficult to accept.

Apologies for hogging the thread.

Am I weird because I seem to be the only bloke on this thread and it's all you poor ladies who are missing out on the affection? Or am I weird because I admit it?

I am usually one who will laugh loudly, have a fun time but when it comes to the more emotional side then that is what I hide. Except on here where I can be anonymous

Although luckily sounds like some get what they need.

What a plank!!

Why did I put MSE on Mumsnet? See, I can't even get that right

Apologies to all on here.

Off now to thrash myself with a copy of "I must note what website I am on before posting"....

ineed don't feel that you have to beat yourself up - I'm sure there are plenty of MNers who could do that for you .

I wish there were more blokes brave enough to come on here and open up about things, although you are anonymous of course.

I'm beginning to realise that there are a lot more of us out there than you would think. In a way it makes it easier when you know that many other people are in the same boat. Quite chilling whem you mention that your emotional life stopped at 45 - that's how old I am now!

Please feel free to start a thread about moving on. I would contribute cos that's what I need to do..