Bit of history. ExP and I were together 3 years, living together for 2. Mostly our relationship was good but at times he hit me and once he raped me. We split up a year ago but this is playing on my mind.
We were lying in bed, not long after we'd got engaged and we were arguing. He lost his temper held one hand over my mouth and one arm round my neck and forced me to have sex with him. He knew I didn't want him too as I was struggling and crying. When he had finished he cried and said sorry, he even said the words 'I raped you' he also said he was ashamed that it was 'the best sex of his life'.
I tried to forget it and life carried on as normal.
He is a very popular, funny, well thought of man who has been in a new relationship for about 9 months - I haven't heard any rumours of him hitting her. I finally kicked him out after he threw food in my face one time.
I am thinking about reporting him but I don't know whether it is to late. Also it will be his word against mine, there is no evidence and my life would be made hell from his family and friends, also as were were naked and in bed at the time I doubt whether anyone would believe I said no.
He freely admits to me what he did, the hitting incuded. He does have a very good side, I realise how odd it sounds for me to say that. I don't want him to hate me - but also know this is part of the conditioning of how I used to live.
There is nothing on record about the violence as I never reported him or went to the hospital. He hit me every 3 months or so, said it was an uncontrollable part of him that he couldn't fight any longer. Also said that it had only ever been me that he had directed it at.
Any advice?