Relapse re break-up

[tametiger]

Back story here
It has been four months now since the horrible break-up with my ex and I thought I had been getting used to the situation. A lot of the time I can feel indifferent to him and see the way he treated me as the base act that it was.
However, my son, now grown-up, sees his father occasionally and whenever he talks about him I feel all the old upset coming back.
Part of me still wants to rush round to see him and feel close to him again. Is it possible I could learn to forgive and forget? Should I even try? If not, when will it stop hurting and when will I stop missing him and minimising his faults?
Any tips gratefully accepted.

I remember you. Of course you can forgive and forget. But actually, no, you shouldn't. Well, forgive if you must, because presumably he can't help being a self-centred arse and it's unhealthy to carry a grudge. But don't forget how he lets you down again and again, says dreadful things about your child and your dog, goes off in a miff when you really need him, and all those other amusing little character traits. Because he will carry on doing things like that forever and will never be a good friend to you. You are a much nicer person than he is. You deserve nice people around you, not rather nasty people who happen to have wedged themselves into your heart.

To a certain extent it's habit, and time away from him will help. How much time? One month for every year you were together is the rule of thumb, but everyone's a little different. One thing's for sure, you won't stop missing him if you don't give yourself a chance to. As I recall you live kind of in the back of beyond where it's hard to find interests; he's like your only link with the real world sometimes, so of course you feel lonely. May I suggest you try to rearrange your life so that he isn't the only interesting thing in it - god that sounds patronising, I hope you know what I mean - if life is peaceful but a little dull, and you're clearly not a dull person, even unhealthy stimulation is bound to have some appeal. And consider perhaps some counselling to help you work through what it is that continues to attract you to this not very nice ex-partner, instead of being hugely relieved that he is out of your life!

It's only been 4 months. I didn't go to bed for 4 months after splitting from my ex because I couldn't bear it on my own - I just slept in a chair. Give yourself more time and be nice to yourself, you will feel better and find some positive things in your life but it's a slow process.

Annie and Glass - thanks so much, you are both right and so wise and I love you! I am just feeling a bit low. I own up to seeing ex as the only exciting thing in my little world and I am trying to rearrange things so I have more going on. Am planning to take up clay pigeon shooting so can divert murderous instincts towards little clay discs.