Hi this is my first post, i have been lurking reading other posts and would value your view on my situation. Not sure on all the abbreveations,so here goes,
my husband and i have been married for 17 years and have two children aged 9 and 12, i am 40 this year he is a couple of years older,there are several probs in our marriage, one is that he has a huge problem with porn, always has had, i foolishly thought it would pass once we became a proper item and he had a real women, but it has become more and more of a problem, he tries to hide it from me and the kids, but we keep stumbling across it, well me mostly but the kids have found stuff that he tried to hide in their room thinking no one would find it,
to date i have found mags, real pics of a women, dont know who it was, dirty pants and stockings, a letter wrote to someone from someone i dont know , telephone bills ran up,dvds of anal sex, photos from someones house of their knickers on a bed, he has a works pc, so who knows whats on that, i have asked him about it on many occasions and asked him to stop and he just gets in a strop and walks out refusing to discuss it any further, he works away a couple of nights a week and god only knows what he does when hes there?
he has also over this last couple of years started going out to the pub until the early hours of the morning mixing with people i have never heard of, and spending lots of money we dont really have, or that could of been used on the house/family etc, i dont mind him going out for a few beers and catching up with friends but its every week once or twice a week until 2am and spending way too much, we are overdrawn in bank and have several thousand on c/c as a result of this, he has also over this last year started taking money out of the atm and denying he did it or pretending he only took a smaller amount out than he did when it is so obvious that it was him??? for the last year he has started drinking every day with out fail usually 2/3 pints a night and then more when he goes out to the pub, and i am sure its more on the nights he works away. i think this is what he is taking the money out of the atm for,
he has hit me several times over the course of our marriage, not beaten me but lashed out when i have answered him back or he is drunk or hungover, he is becoming more bad tempered and a bit unpredictable and i am havin to modify my behaviour to make sure i dont inflame a situation, he spends less and less time at home with us always finding somewhere to be or something to do that doesnt include us, this has been a prob for all of our marriage, he has always found being at home doing a bit of diy or family stuff or chilling out boring he seems to need to be doing something more, but it has usually ended up with him being in the pub, he seems to live as if he is a batchelor who happens to have a family, i have recently told both sets of parents mine will stand by me whatever i deciede and his want me and hubby to go to relate to try and sort it out, but really i just want out now, i could go on with more but i dont want to bore you all, the upshot is i am really fed up with all of this, he shows no signs of stopping its as if my opinion counts for nothing, i am hurt, tired, worried to death about money, and sick of asking him to stop his behaviour and getting told to f off, he has a few good points but at the mo i cant seem to recall many of them, and i just dont love him anymore,